oh hai

iz bin a wile.

I felt ridonculously good about my Crim Pro final. Do you think I could be a public defender?

I took in a very cold but very fun bowl game in DC. Does our win in the inaugral game mean the trophy for the EagleBank Bowl gets to be named the Jim Grobe Trophy?

My first morning in NoCar (that's right, NoCar. it's gonna be a thing) I go to MyYahoo which tells me that it's 16 degrees in Chadds Ford, PA. I got out of there just in time.

Our basketball team is playing absurdly well (6th in the nation! awhit!) but against the 300th or so toughest schedule. January 11th is going to be veeeeery indicative of just how good we are.

The Yankees reaction to missing the playoffs for the first time since '93? Spend almost half a billion dollars. On three players. In the case of the Red Sox being "just as bad" as the Yankees, the defense rests.

i can't say i really like the new sawx road jerseys

Here they are. They're not bad, and they're based on past jerseys, but there was nothing wrong with the current road jerseys to begin with.

My two primary beefs:

1) This is the defining moment of this style of jersey.

2) There's already a team with a simple, navy-on-gray road uniform. Just take that jersey, change the words "New York" to "Boston," slap two red socks on the sleeve and presto change-o you've got the Red Sox's new away uniform.

What's worse, a photoshop rendering speculating what the new jerseys would be looks pretty sweet, and way better than what they actually went with, and maybe even better than the red-lettering style. Plus, it's not like that speculation came out of no where - it too was based a past uniform.

this is a first for me

Every lawyer is required to take and pass the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam in order to get a license. I took mine a month ago. To get a score of 80 (the minimum in North Carolina), you typically need to get around 60-65% of the 50 graded questions correct. When I was taking my practice exams, I was getting around 65% of the questions correct, so I felt confident I would pass, but probably not by very much (which, by the way, is the story of my life).

Well, my MPRE score was just released online. Under the words "scaled score," it says "121." My thought process was as follows:

121? What the hell does that mean? Couldn't they tell me the score on the correct scale? Does that convert to an 80 or what? (investigates online) Why isn't it telling me how to translate this score of 121? Is there a new scale I'm not aware of? (investigates more) Hmmm... scores range from 50 to 150, with 100 being the average. Wait... could I have... DID I ACTUALLY GET A SCORE 41 POINTS ABOVE THE MINIMUM!?! HOLY %#$@!!!

And so I came to learn that I crushed the MPRE. The "first" is this - I have never been confused by a test result because the score was too high. In fact, it's a sweet, sweet karmic turnabout from when I got a test grade in the 40's in one of my Calloway classes. My immediate reaction was "40 out of what? 50? 60? Why isn't it saying what it's out of?" and then it slowly dawning on me that it was a straight-up 40% grade, and that I had bombed a test I thought I aced.

Of course, a 121 doesn't really mean anything that an 80 wouldn't have - but I am hoping this is a precursor for the Bar.

In other law school news, I've reach that studied-all-I-can-study phase in my Wills and Trusts class, and I'm actually lamenting the fact I have to wait until Wednesday to take the exam. Considering my long history of feverish cramming, that's also probably a first.

a few things i'd like to bring to your attention

In that Sportscenter commercial with Steve Smith and Kenny Mayne, the far away Steve Smith is wearing a white Panther jersey, and the close-up Steve Smith is wearing the blue alternate Panther jersey. Did they do this on purpose, to subtly imply Steve Smith is even faster (since he can change jerseys in a split second) than they're already exaggerating him to be? Or does ESPN just need to work on their use of the cowboy switch?*

Also, I feel the need to use both of Steve Smith's names when referring to him. Using just "Steve" or "Smith" is far too generic.

I've played all of 10 minutes of Mario-themed video games in my life, so I wish I could fully apprehicate the brilliance of these two videos.

It is my sincere hope that I will one day make a legal argument as ridiculous-sounding as this.

*a cowboy switch is a quick just-off-screen transition from actor to stuntman (or vice versa, and sometimes back again) in the same camera shot. I only know this because I watched the video commentaries of my Scrubs DVDs.

Anyhoo, back to my lonesome studies.

thoughts on thanksgiving evenings

I think the post-meal period of Thanksgiving might be the strangest time of the year. What are you suppose to do with yourself as the hours roll by, 8pm, 9pm, 10pm, 11pm, and you're still not hungry? As of this moment, I haven't eaten anything in over eight hours, so all my mental bells and whistles are screaming "dinner time! eat something! eat something!" But I don't feel like eating at all. My stomach is full, my taste buds aren't yearning for anything; physically speaking, I'd actually prefer not to eat. How is this to be reconciled with my internal dinner alarm that's been buzzing for four hours? It's driving me crazy.

Anybody with me? Anyone?

/looks around in desperation
/slowly steps back from the keyboard
/runs off

two games, two dominations...

... but dominations can come in completely different ways.

In our second game of the season, we torched UNC-Wilmington 120 - 88, falling three points shy of the school scoring record. It was box score heaven, with Teague (my official Favorite Player on this squad), JJ, Chazzz, and boy wonder Aminu all putting up great lines.

Our third game was against Winston-Salem State, who we also tracuhed by doubling their points total. But it was 62-31. Where'd all the offense go? Where'd this D come from? Who cares when we freaking lapped those cross-town fools? But I'm not exactly going to throw a parade when we have all of one player reach double figures against a cup-cake opponent.

In re: our football program. Yikes. We could have pulled it out in the last minute against BC, but the fact is we didn't deserve to win. Our offense just can't put together a decent drive. A sad, pathetic showing. How are we suppose to reach our conference championship game when we're entirely reliant on our defense for points?

star trek trailer pretty much the greatest thing ever

I grew up a Star Wars fan. Never paid much attention Star Trek. I can't really say why, but I'd imagine it would have to do with 1) lightsabers and 2) X-Wings, and how Star Trek doesn't have either of those.

Also, there are significant "entry barriers" to getting into Star Trek. See, if I'm going to watch a movie or TV show, I always want to do it in order. I've never seen any of the Star Trek films because I feel I should watch the entirety of the TV series first, since that's what happens before what happens in the movies. Likewise, I almost never start watching a series in the middle of its run - if I'm going to watch a show, I want to start with the pilot. With the Star Wars movies, you can just jump right in - there's no TV series to catch up with first.

Recently I realized that my love for Star Wars and the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica seem to make Star Trek right up my alley. To that end, my primary "past time" this semester has been watching the entirety of the Star Trek: The Next Generation cataglouge. I'm currently half-way through Season 6 (thank you bit torrents). I also watch the occasional Original Series episode off CBS.com, but those can be unbearable considering the much slower pace and lack of any B- or C- story lines.

This leads me to the trailer for JJ Abram's new Star Trek movie about younger versions of the original characters, and it's pretty much mind-blowing. You can't tell at all what's going on, but I like trailers that way. It tells you what the movie will be like without telling you what it's actually about, unlike so many trailers that reveal the entire plot. My favorite part of the trailer is Karl Urban and his unexpected resemblance to DeForest Kelly / Dr. McCoy. He's got that "eyes wide, one eye brow raised" look spot-on.

a beacon of light in a dark time

A figurative beacon but a literal time of darkness. Can't stand this pitch-black-by-5pm business.

Actually, make that a figurative time of darkness too, because the first half of November has to be my most depressing time of the year. It's always dark outside, finals are right around the corner, I'm suffering from acute baseball withdrawal, it's too soon to listen to Christmas music, and Wake Forest basketball hasn't started yet. Yes, there's college football and the NFL, but Deacons football has been so up-and-down that if I follow it too closely I might get motion sickness, and the NFL only provides one day a week where there's more than a single game going on. I did enjoy the gold uniforms, as long we don't do it again for at least a year.

But on to the beacon. Today, things are really looking up. Wake Forest basketball kicks off its season against NC Central. In our exhibition game last week we routed Olive Garden's corporate team, with LD Williams scoring 22 points and AF Aminu chipping in 15 points and 12 rebounds. Our dyanamic trio of freshman hasn't gone unnoticed, as we're ranked No. 21 going into the season. Let's exceed those expectations. Go Deacs!

*sigh*

"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone."
-Bart Giamatti

"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring."
-Rogers Hornsby

"At least my fantasy basketball team is now up and running."
-me

lets try and avoid this situation again

Having the World Series be won via a rain-shortened game would be a weird, ugly situation for baseball. No question. You don't want an ump waving his arms to be the "winning moment" instead of the usual final out or walk-off run. That's why I could understand the Phils and Rays continuing to play through a cold, pouring, windy night. But then after the game was tied and subsequently suspended, Bud Selig claimed in a post-game press conference that it was within his power as commissioner to suspend an un-tied game.

So the question then becomes: why didn't he do this? It certainly seems like the right thing to do in an ethical sense, but technically it would mean the commissioner of a sport changing the rules for winning literally in the middle of the game. If Upton had been out at home, and the 6th inning ended with the Phils up 2-1, and then the tarps came out, wouldn't the Phils be within their right to declare themselves the champions? They had, after all, won the game according to the official rule book. At the very least, Phillie fans would have gone all post-apocopltic, donned football pads and leather pants and begin running around Philadelphia in dune buggies.

The lesson here being: change the rule book to officially allow for suspending certain un-tied games. Those "certain games" can either be potential World Series-ending games, all World Series games, or all playoff games. Take your pick. As long as we avoid having to chose between playing the World Series in virtually unplayable conditions, a rain delay ending the World Series, or the commish having to deny a team their technical championship.

Update - An article on mlb.com points us to the applicable rules about rain delays: Rule 3.10(c). That rule does not say how long a rain delay can last until the game is called/canceled, only that the suspension continues "as long he (the umpire-in-chief) believes there is any chance to resume play." It doesnt say "... chance to resume play within X amount of time." So it seems the chief umpire is within his right to say "hey, there's a chance to resume play three days from now, so the suspension continues until then."

At any rate, I think it's best to put somewhere in the rules that no World Series (or maybe playoff) game can be called early due to playing conditions, and if necessary it will be suspended, no matter the score, however long it takes for the weather to clear up.

is it THAT hard to show a baseball game on television

First the Steve Harvey Game, then Comcast dies in the Philly metro area for a solid 30 minutes.

-------------

On a different note, ever wonder what the world would be like if rappers talked like lawyers? Wonder no more.

"hello, i'm dr. brilliant"

I've been a one-man mucus and snot factory for over a week, so yesterday I went to an urgent care clinic hoping to get hooked up with those glorious antibiotics. The guy who examines me? Dr. Stuart Brilliant. I'm not kidding. I could barely focus on answering his questions; I was in a daze from meeting such an aptly named man. He diagnosed me with bronchitis, and also said it hardly mattered what it was, since antibiotics take care of all them pesky respiratory infections. And who am I to argue with DR. BRILLIANT.

As for the Sawx, the Devil Rays were clearly the better overall team. We managed to push the series to 7 because our bullpen is fairly awesome and theirs sucks. Seriously, who's their closer? JP Howell? David Price? Balfour? Wheeler? Who knows. Anyway, four months and five days until the first spring training game!

And go Phillies, my in-a-sense home team!

OH MY GOD

Without question, this is the highest ratings in the history of the Steve Harvey Show.

TBS should never, ever again be given the right to broadcast a sporting event.

I am beside myself.

EPIC

FAIL.

Update: 21 excruciating/bizarre/hilarious minutes after the game begins, TBS actually starts showing it. Un. Real.

weddings are hard work

I hadn't been to one since I was around 10, and I was a little curious to see what goes down from the inside. The answer: pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Before, during, and after the ceremony. And I was only a groomsman, so I wasn't in a quarter of them. But I got exhausted by just looking at the B&G having to put on a million separate smiles for 8+ hours.

My strategy in keeping the groom calm was to act as if the day was just like any other day - you know, none of the "How are you feeling?" stuff and more of the randomly singing Queen's "Radio Ga Ga." It seemed to work as his only external signs of stress I noticed were some pacing, some "craps" and one "holy crap." Although, I did spend the 30 minutes immediately preceding the ceremony ushering in guests, so he could have been having seizures then for all I know.

The ceremony went off without a hitch (save for the hitch, ahyuck), and was beautifully done. Standing up there for so long in my hard plastic shoes (insert eye-rolling from every bridesmaid ever) did force me to switch to sneakers for the reception - that and the fact that I'm totally down with the sneakers-with-formal-wear look in general.

Good-Natured Disappointments:

• My height advantage made me the early favorite for the garter, by I got totally beat to it by a nimble and cat-like Best Man.
  
• "Thriller" was not played during the reception.
• I was sick the whole day and got worse toward the end of the reception, which I mostly spent coughing into a napkin and nursing a beer.
  
• No one got rowdy, so I was unable to take advantage of a groomsman's role as a de facto bouncer.
• There were no Greek or Jewish relatives, so sadly no plates were smashed. The punch bowl did get knocked over, however, so that was awesome.
  

how to push your luck

uh... *ahem*... i have a bad feeling about this

I'm not feeling too great about the upcoming Sox/Halos Sox/Rays series. Boston has a lot of things working against them: Drew and Lowell's health is hanging by a thread or worse Lowell is out, Ortiz hasn't been Ortiz since May, Beckett has been pushed back to Game 3 and might not even make that wasn't that good last time out, Teixeira Upton has been killing the ball the last two months games, and we're facing three very good pitchers in Lackey, Santana and Saunders Kazmir, Shields, and Garza.

Boston needs Lester Beckett and Daisuke to pitch extremely well in Game 1 and 2 if we're going to win this series.

i have a bad feeling about this

I'm not feeling too great about the upcoming Sox/Halos series. Boston has a lot of things working against them: Drew and Lowell's health is hanging by a thread (or worse), Ortiz hasn't been Ortiz since May, Beckett has been pushed back to Game 3 and might not even make that, Teixeira has been killing the ball the last two months, and we're facing three very good pitchers in Lackey, Santana and Saunders.

Boston needs Lester and Daisuke to pitch extremely well in Game 1 and 2 if we're going to win this series.

at least one of my teams won this weekend

My fantasy baseball team. After a humiliating finish in 3rd last year, I was eager to reclaim my rightful spot atop the fantasy baseball mountain. The view is just so much better.

I'd like to thank the following players who were with me the whole way:

• David Wright - I drafted him 6th overall and he had an amazing 5-stat year, finishing as the 2nd best player according to yahoo.
• Alfonso Soriano and Mark Teixeira - somehow I was allowed to grab these guys 19th and 30th overall. They finished 75th and 18th overall (Soriano missed over 50 games due to injury, but finished 8th overall if you go by averages).
• Russell Martin - 155 games games played means not having to waste a roster spot on a back-up catcher.
• Chad Billingsley, James Shields, and Ben Sheets - drafted in the 9th, 10th, and 12th rounds,they game me ace stats all year long, vindicating my decision to take hitters with my first 8 picks.
• BJ Ryan and Brian Wilson - drafted in the 13th and 15th rounds, and converted a combined 73 saves. I got another 61 saves from free agent pick-ups Jonathan Broxton, Jon Rouch, Saloman Torres and Jensen Lewis, allowing me to win the saves category. That's why you never ever draft a closer in the early rounds.
• Corey Hart - pretty good overall year (20 homers, 23 steals), but would have been better had you not OPS'd .437 in September.

I'd also like to thank...

• JJ Hardy and Stephen Drew - for putting up decent stats at shotstop, lessening the blow of mega-bust Troy Tulowitski.
• Milton Bradley - for giving me MVP-numbers for about 200 AB's.
• Jack Cust - I only played you for three games, but you hit a homer each time. Nice.
• Shin-Soo Choo - for having an awesome name and keeping my team afloat for the last month while the rest of my hitters were struggling.
• David Ortiz - I loved randomly acquiring you for the last day of the season.
  

No thanks to...

• Troy Tulowitski and Nick Swisher - 130 combined at-bats for these guys and they give me a whole 24 hits, 2 homers and 9 rbi.
  
• Evan Longoria - never could figure this guy out. His tendency to only play well when he was on my bench forced me to let him go for my own sanity.
• Ryan Ludwick - I can't believe I dropped you.
• Rich Hill and Clay Buchholz - what the hell happened to you guys?

By the by, sorry I was gone for so long. Insanely busy times here at Locke HQ.

PECO is an agent of satan

First off,

Woo hoo!

But secondly, the Philadelphia Electrical Company is a true Whore of Babylon. They cut my power with one minute left and the good guys down by one. What do I do? Hope the power returns momentarily? Dash off to the Widener library? It was Sophie's Choice. So I wait. The power flashes on for a split second, then nothing. I'm royally humped. Whatever happened in the drive, I missed it. So I drive to Widener, get in range of their wireless, all while really wishing I had a phone with internet, and see that we won. Yipee! But still mad at PECO. I read some Crim Pro by scented candle light, and finally I get some power just before 9pm, and here we are.

shortest clean-up hitter ever

Dustin Pedroia, who is 5'9" soaking wet (or, something) is batting clean-up tonight. Awesome.

riley skinner is your daddy update

I dare say that went as well as possible.

Riley Skinner was in the absolute zone, completing 27 of 36 passes for 3 touchdowns and zero picks, the Phonz was up to his old tricks with an interception, some new kid named C.J. Washington had a 55 yard run, senior Chip Brinkman caught 2 touchdowns, and Riley connected with 8 total receivers. Bada friggin' bing.

it begins tonight

I was extremely confused when I learned that Fox Sports would be handling tonight's Wake-Baylor broadcast. Way back when it was announced the game would be played on a Thursday, I distinctly remember it being remarked that this was to get national TV exposure, i.e. ESPN. What happened?

Not a big deal to some, but it is for me, who is bereft of any Fox Sports channel in his apartment cable line-up, and prefers not to spend three hours alone in a sports bar watching a game on a tiny screen that I alone give a crap about.

Worse, my internet sources are failing me. ACCSelect.com isn't carrying the same, and channelsurfing.net has links for NC State/South Carolina, Eastern Kentucky/Cincinatti and Oregon State/Stanford, but infuriatingly not Wake/Baylor. Argh!

Looks like I'm doomed for gametracker. Still, let's get the season started right with a win for the Old Gold & Black, whether mine eyes witness or not.

our society has come to this

9-year-old boy told he's too good to pitch

I believe we must now amend Alexander Fraser Tytler's nine stages of civilization to include a step where we tell a child he can't play a sport because he got too damn good at it. Right after that, the nation implodes in on it's own stupidity.

In other words, best stock up on canned goods and shotguns. We're done.

"This isn't a transactional course."

--Andrew Strauss, Professor of International Business Transactions.

Nice way to start a semester.

back in big PA / little DE

I don't think I've ever wanted wanted to start a school year less. I loved my four years at Wake, and always looked forward to a new year there. First year of law school was new and exciting (at first). Second year of law school I had my new apartment to look forward to. Third year? I got nothing. The fact that my blessed three month escape from lectures, homework, and studying ended a week premature doesn't help.

I'm ready for the whole thing to be over. In many respects, I wish I could just sleep walk through the next nine months. See, a JD is nothing more than a permission slip to take the bar exam, which is what I should spend the next year studying, not some token elective I only signed up for because it fit my schedule.

Post-JD and bar exam, I'd like to find an apartment in Winston-Salem and get a junior associate gig at some personal injury law firm in town, practicing nothing but social security since you don't need to pass the bar to practice there (both partners at my summer firm failed the first time, so I'm not just being modest in thinking I'll do the same thing).

I just hate the fact I have to sit through two more semesters of lectures, textbooks, and outlines to get to that ideal - having an actual job, living in a town with actual friends, - you know, a normal life.

/typical privileged white-boy rant

i hate my f$%&ing law school

All summer I've been waiting and waiting for the idiots who run Widener (or at least their website) to post the first assignments online. It wasn't until today - a mere two weeks before the semester starts on August 27 - that they were posted. WELL GUESS FUDGING WHAT.

Classes have "first meeting" dates of August 20th, 21st, etc. and so I'm like WTF? Semester starts August 27th, mate. Well I check their academic calender - the same academic calender that's been saying ALL SUMMER that the Fall 2008 semester starts Aug. 27th. NOW IT SAYS CLASSES START ON THE 20TH.

There goes my week off! There goes Bear's birthday! There goes ordering my books online and being caught up on reading!

In summary: my law school is so retarded that it posts the wrong date for beginning of classes all summer, and not until two weeks before THAT date do they tell us what our books and assignments are, AND DECIDES THE CLASSES YOU THOUGHT WERE TWO WEEKS AWAY ARE ACTUALLY JUST ONE WEEK AWAY.

F%$@!!!!!!!

locke and load approves manny trade

Listen, I'm a long-time Manny apologist. All this club house cancer stuff always seemed way out of proportion. The guy was/is one of the best year-to-year elite hitters in the game, so forgive me for not caring if he wanders into the green monster to take a piss once and a while.

There have many Manny trade rumors over the years, some made sense, and some were awful. The one that finally happened, him for Jason Bay, is one that makes sense. Bay will never be what Manny was in his prime, but I doubt Manny will return to his prime anyway. Currently they're a statistical match hitting wise, with Bay being much better in the field and a good six years younger. On paper, Boston definitely comes out ahead, especially looking past this season.

Plus, it would seem that Manny actually did turn into a cancer this year, in possibly exaggerating injuries and refusing to play in games. The Manny of yesteryear never crossed that line. When he did, Theo had to act.

There are concerns about how Bay will react to the spotlight of Boston as opposed to the backwoods of Pittsburgh. Bay's most pressure-packed moment of his career so far isn't exactly encouraging: his zero homers in the 2005 Home Run Derby. Still, let's not judge a man on one day.

I will miss the Manny/Ortiz combo, no doubt. That was one sweet line-up. But still, welcome aboard Jason Bay.

re: the deathly hallows

Done. At last. Four thousand and one hundred pages later. I'm forgoing my usual long list of minor complaints out of respect for a series that was immensely exciting, thought-provoking, and heartfelt.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the quickest 750 page book you'll ever read - I ran threw the last third of it in one night. It's absolutely packed with action and brilliantly paced, except for the final few chapters, where the build up to the final showdown is a little drawn out and the immediate aftermath is too brief. That said, the manner of Harry's victory is some of the best plot unraveling this side of the Shawshank Redemption.

I do have one huge beef - the fate of Lupin and Tonks, who were my two favorite characters in the whole series. What happened to them is exactly what Samuel L. Jackson feared when he told Lucas he didn't want Mace Windu to die "like some punk." You see, Lupin and Tonks did just that - they suffered an off-page death, and for little to no purpose. I wouldn't have minded a spectacular or heroic death, where their sacrifice is essential to the final victory. I may have even loved that. But we didn't get that. We got the exact opposite - the book would have played out almost identically had they lived, and those characters deserved better than to have their status as living or dead be inconsequential. After finishing the book, I read that they did survive in the original draft, but since JK couldn't bring herself to kill Arthur Weasley, she instead killed Lupin and Tonks to satisfy her bloodlust to "kill parents."

Bottom-line, America: Lupin and Tonks were two awesome characters and, at the very least, deserved an on-page death like Fred.

Speaking of deaths, I want to take an opportunity here to list the body count in this series of "children's books." Not even counting bad guys and those who died before the series began: Cedric Diggory, Albus Dumbledore, Sirius Black, Hedwig, Mad-Eye Moody, Rufus Scrimgeour, Ted Tonks, Dobby, Fred Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, Colin Creevy, and probably a dozen small characters I can't recall. JK Rowling is without a doubt the most macabre author I've ever read.

I had also been hoping to see a certain fight that would have been pulse-poundingly brilliant: either Hagrid or Lupin going toe-to-toe with Voldemort. Perhaps keeping him in check until Harry finished the job. You see, there had been hints Lupin and Hagrid were both much more powerful wizards then they let on. Lupin conjured fire without a wand in PoA and got through the Department of Mysteries fight without a scratch on him. In TOOTP, Hagrid took on multiple Ministry officials at once and won. I wanted to see just how far their power really went by having them duel with the ultimate villain. Instead, we get McGonagall, Kingsley, and Slughorn dueling with a Voldemort whose power had already been toned down by Harry's (intended) martyrdom. That's ok, but I think a duel with Hagrid or Lupin would have been way cooler.

Upon finishing the series and achieving totally immunity to spoilers, I finally indulged myself in character entries on places like Harry Potter Wiki. Does anyone else enjoy reading those type of articles? I do. Anyway, reading them informed me that JK has added on a lot of "oh by the way stuff" to the series through various speeches, book signings, interviews, webchats, etc. She's revealed things like Dumbledore's sexual orientation, what supporting characters married each other and the names of their kids, and what jobs the characters held after Hogwarts. This seems generally accepted as canonical, and I have a problem with that.

I think the only things that can be canon to the books are the books themselves. Each individual reader is then allowed to insert information between the lines and make their own, slightly personalized Potterverse. For example, if I were to think that, in the "Nineteen Years Later" segment, that Flitwick was the current headmaster, would I really be "wrong" if JK came out tomorrow and said Sprout was the headmistress? I say no.

Fred and George's "Wow, we're identical!" line upon polyjuicing into two Harrys was hands down the best joke of the series.

I hate to say it, but Snape's revelation as a good guy from the start doesn't make complete sense. Why did he have to reveal to Voldemort the time of Harry's departure from the Durselys? Would he really be expected to have access to this super-sensitive knowledge after killing Dumbledore? I doubt it.

Finally, I am left a bit sad, knowing I'll never read another adventure of these crazy kids. I'll miss Hermione the most. Her and her brains. Big. Huge. Brains.

re: half-blood prince

The sixth book, while entertaining as always, is limited in the sense that it's too much like the fifth book. Again, there really isn't an overarching "Harry must do this" plot, only a couple mysteries the reader is tasked with figuring out. Again, the subplot has Gryffindor winning the Quidditch Cup without the help of Harry. Again, the mysteries develop into an exciting Wizard brawl that results in the death of a beloved father figure, and again the culprit gets away. Again, I am left so eager to learn what is to come that I barely go a couple hours before opening up the next book. THBP is, however, a notable improvement over TOTP in that it is about 200 pages shorter; the needless, repetitive filler that plagued the 5th book is thankfully eliminated. A round of applause to JK's editor.

I got tired of the pure bitch-fest style of these reviews, so this time I'm giving more of a running diary of my thoughts concerning the book. Equals parts bitching and giddy speculation.

• Very interesting opening two chapters, as Rolwing takes the third person limited perspective away from Harry for the first time in the series.
• Finally, Draco has something to do other than be annoying.
• You need certain test results taken at age 15 to pursue certain magical careers? Is this China?
• I am not accepting for a moment that just because a kid gets sorted into Slytherin House that he’s totally down with a peer being in league with a mass murderer. Slytherin House seeks out students who are pure-blooded and ambitious, not evil.
• Draco paralyzes Harry with a spell, but doesn't bother to take his invisibility cloak? Sure, Rowling, that'd happen.
• I'm half way through the book and I'm almost positive the titular "Half-Blood Prince" is Snape. The Prince is a master potions maker, just like Snape. The Prince also made note of the counter-jinx to that levitate-by-the-ankles thing, which James Potter used to bully Snape in school. So what if the book is 50 years old? We don't know anything about Snape's background. He could have been very poor growing up and needed to use old textbooks. Who else could it be? Lupin said it wasn't him or Sirius or James, I doubt Voldy or a Death Eater would brag about being half-blood, Hagrid and Pettigrew don't seem smart enough, and Slughorn and Dumbledore were students more than 50 years ago. Snape seems like the only candidate, as anyone else would be anti-climatic. My only worry is that this seems too obvious. Have I missed something?
  
• Wait a sec. Harry's new-found skills at Potions remind Slughorn of his mother, eh? Hmmm... could the book be written by his mom, and the "Property of the Half-Blood Prince" line refer to her own relationship with her "prince," James? But wasn't James pureblood? Was she mistaken, perhaps? Did James tell her this so she'd think they had more in common? Or maybe she was in love with someone else at the time? Well, at least I have a competing theory now, albeit an anti-feminist and thus unlikely one.
  
• Malfoy's getting thinner, "like Tonks," eh? And Tonks has a tendency to show up when Malfoy is supposed to be around. Tonks has also been acting strange and her patronus changed forms. And we know Malfoy has access to loads of Polyjuice potion. Could Malfoy be transforming into Tonks? Was that his task? If so, what happened to Tonks? She was cool, please don't be dead.
• Whatever Malfoy's up to is taking an emotional and physical toll on him. Hmmm... in every year but his third Harry has fought some form of Voldy. Malfoy must be trying to find a way for Voldy to enter Hogwarts, right? Maybe Voldy is trying to possess Malfoy? But how does that tie into the cursed necklace and the poisoned drink? Maybe he's trying to assassinate Dumbledore to help Voldy get to Hogwarts? That could work...
• You know, the only reason Harry got a Saturday morning detention is because Rowling is tired of writing Quidditch matches. But I'm tired of reading them, so it's a win-win.
• Vanishing Cabinets. How did I not see that coming, what with their like one mention in the entirety of the series.
• So Dumbledore dies at the hands of Snape. And yet, I still think Snape's a good guy. Did Dumbledore want Snape to kill him? I think so - perhaps Dumbledore had told Snape he was to kill him rather than blow his cover. "Severus, please..." could mean just that. It might not make complete "real world" sense but it'd probably do in the Potterverse. Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but Snape being a bad guy just doesn't seem to add up. Dumbledore must have trusted him for a reason - and Harry's most hated teacher turning out, in the end, to be a hero would be a far more interesting story arc than him just being as bad as we were always led to believe.
• I'm getting tired of the chapter titles and the accompanying drawings giving away plot points. This chapter was the worst yet: it's entitled "Flight of the Prince" and has a picture of Snape, thus revealing the identity of the HBP. Is this really how you want your plot mysteries uncovered, JK?

P.S. Happy 250th post to me!

re: the dark knight and the bat-future

I'm plainly awful at giving well-written, paragraphed-formated reviews so I'm just going to toss out thoughts as they come to me.

Overall, Nolan brilliantly maintained tension throughout the film, a difficult task for a 2 1/2 hour flick. I did feel it was a tad long. We could have done without the China bounty hunting subplot, however awesome it was to watch. The cell phone sonar tool was also a little too gimmicky and seemed to only be there to give Morgan Freeman something to do. The music was brilliant - that "thingsarereallytensewhatsgonnahappenohmygod!!!!" screeching noise was used perfectly. I didn't like the IMAX format, sadly. It was too hard to tell what was going on, having to turn my neck to see from stage left to stage right, and the Fenway-esque legroom (as in, none at all) for 2 and 1/2 straight hours bordered on unbearable (I needed an "act three stretch"). TDK also suffered a little from the "two endings" problem, as we jumped from the Joker vs Batman final showdown right to the Two-Face vs Batman/Gordon final showdown.

We were all wrong about Heath Ledger. Myself included. How could you blame us though? He hadn't done anything approaching this level of acting before. Admittedly, anyone would look creepy with that make-up. But what impressed me was that perfect Joker voice. Where did that come from? It didn't sound anything like Heath, but it also didn't sound forced at all. We saw no Heath and heard no Heath, and that complete disappearance into character is what made him so frightening - the Joker essentially became a real person. What's more, the lack of a definitive Joker origin made him more like a force of nature than a man - not unlike the "incorruptible symbol" of Batman. This Joker is immediately put into the debate of the best film villain ever.

How can Gary Oldman look so different from movie to movie? I can't believe James Gordon, Sirius Black, and the villain from The Professional were played by the same actor. And then when you see Gary Oldman on the red carpet, you're like "so that's what he looks like." It can't be all haircuts and mustaches, can it? Shouldn't be possible.

My fasting from any TDK trailers, commercials, or images appears to have paid off. I have read complaints that people knew Gordon hadn't died because scenes of him in the trailers had yet to be shown in the film.

IMDB informed me that Nestor Carbonell, who plays Gotham's mayor, was in fact the parodical Batmanuel in the live action version of The Tick.

The disappearing pencil trick is right up there with Indiana Jones preempting a sword fight with a revolver as among the best morbid gags in movie history.

Any appearance by William Fichtner (the shotgun-wielding bank manager, also of Equilibrium, Black Hawk Down and Prison Break fame) is worth noting.

Since TDK broke every record ever for movie revenue and our culture expects action movies to come in trilogies, a third movie seems unavoidable. That's both bad and good. Good because Nolan, Bale, and Co. obviously know how to put together masterpieces of Batman theater, and it's silly to think they couldn't do it a third time. Bad because TDK was so insanely, genre-transcending good (currently the best movie ever per IMDB), the third installment just has to disappoint. I mean, what could be thrown at Batman that's more challenging and entertaining than the Joker's chaos-for-sake-of-chaos scheme? I'm not sure, but let's run down some possible baddies:

• The Penguin. I think including the Penguin would be a must for this reason - this Batman has yet to face an enemy with the monetary resources to match Bruce Wayne. Drop the DeVito "deformed short guy" angle and make the Penguin a billionaire businessman / uber crime lord. Put him at the top of the pyramid, running or recruiting other baddies. Have him use money to control cops and judges the way the Joker used fear. Oh, and he has to be played by Paul Giamatti. That's non-negotiable.
• The Riddler. I think it was Gary Oldman who said The Riddler would be next. I'm not really thrilled about this because the Riddler just seems too much like The Joker. And there's nothing really that interesting about him, anyway. I mean, he asks questions. Ooooo. Alright, so in the comics he also sets traps ala the Saw movies. But I don't want this beautiful franchise to turn into a ripoff of gore fests.
  
• Catwoman. With Rachel Dawes dead, it'd make sense to introduce a new Batman love interest. My biggest worry here is that Halle Barry's crap-fest version might be too fresh in our minds. And she wouldn't have to be a villain - perhaps a rival vigilante instead.
  
• Bane. In the comics, Bane is unique for being the one villain who truly defeated Batman. In the Knightfall storyline, he snapped Batman's back like a twig and put him out of commission for an extended period of time. I believe a former Robin and some guy named Azrael donned the Batsuit while Bruce was rehabbing. I'm not sure how this could work on film. It'd be a great way to end a 2nd installment - ala Han Solo in carbonite - but what of a final part of a trilogy? You'd have to throw the back-breaking in the middle and have a long time lapse instead. I'm not sure that'd work well at all.
• Two-Face. Is he dead? Even if he's not, what does he have left to do? Kill more mobsters, I guess. But wouldn't that feel like the last third of TDK all over again?
• The Joker. I think - think - there's a way to include The Joker. Have Batman visit him in Arkham for some reason, and we don't see his face. But we do hear Mark Hamill speaking. Hmmm? I mean, even if they brought back The Joker full-force, even played exceptionally well by some other actor, what would be the point? Batman already met that challenge - we need to give him a new one.
• Harley Quinn. Throwing in the Joker's Animated Series-created girlfriend might be cool if done correctly.
• Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy and Clayface - way too gimicky for Nolan's (relatively) grounded, realistic Bat-verse. Stay far away.
  

I have no final answers here, only that I'd be absolutely giddy for a Giamatti Penguin. Perhaps him, Bane, and a quasi-good Catwoman, who fills in for a broken Batman? Hmmm.

re: the order of the phoenix

Overall, I was disappointed with most of the book. It's 870 pages long, and in 75% of it nothing of any consequence occurs. Where as the previous books all had a clearly defined plot - getting the Philosopher's Stone, finding the Chamber of Secrets, looking out for the "mass murderer" Sirius Black, and competing in the Triwizard Tournament - here it's "What's up with Harry's dream?" The only thing that kept me going was the commitment I already gave to the story and characters by reading the other books.

That said, the last 1/5 of the book made the manically drawn out buildup all worth it, because it's absolutely incredible. We finally get a real goodies-vs-baddies Wizard showdown, which was awesome. The exploration of how Harry's psyche is breaking down form his constant life-and-death situations was also very well-done.

Now to the gripes. The first one is just too big for a bullet-point.

Harry's hearing at the Ministry was ridiculous. So many basic fundamentals of modern law were being violated at once my legal mind could barely keep up. Where to begin? Well, first, why was Cornelius Fudge running the hearing? He's the Minister of Magic - which I'm assuming is the chief executive position of the Ministry - and he's running a courtroom? Can you imagine a President or Prime Minister also acting as judge for a juvie court? Haven't Wizards heard of a little thing called "separation of powers?" Second, why was Harry not offered representation or allowed to present a defense? I know Fudge had an anti-Potter agenda, but the other twenty or so wizards on the court were just like "whatever" when Fudge cut off all of Harry's statements. Third, Fudge actually tried to prevent Harry from even presenting witnesses on his behalf. And who corrects him? Not one of the other judges, but the witness himself, Dumbledore! And fourth, why did the "witness" Dumbledore suddenly turn into Harry's lawyer, making all these legal arguments for acquittal?

Like I said, those few pages left me with a giant headache.

Okay, the rest:

• What is up with Harry Potter turning into an unceremonious asshole? I can't get into a book where the protagonist snaps at his friends for dumb reasons, and sometimes no reason at all. I'm pulling for Malfoy this year. (OK, well, it seems Voldy was semi-possessing him, so at least this one is explained).
• Ah, Professor Umbridge. Another character we're supposed to hate and - shockingly! - she's fat.
• Umbridge sentences Harry Potter to self-inflicted torture for detention and he just... goes along with it? Peas and rice, Harry can be stupid sometimes. This bears repeating: a teacher violates his basic human rights and he doesn't tell anyone else on the staff. Atta boy, Potter.
• What do they mean Fudge is "behind" all this legislation? So he's the chief executive, a judge on the highest wizard court, and drafts laws, AND has his own private army, AND HE CONTROLS THE PRESS?! In other words, he's Hitler. Only worse, because no special circumstances led to these all-encompassing powers. Wizards just thought it in their best interest to be governed by a dictatorship. Heil Fudge!!
• Also, I seriously hope that Hogwarts is a public school. Otherwise, the Ministry of Magic really is a police state.
  
• I get it, Rowling. Malfoy likes to provoke people. You've written this a hundred times over, so for Merlin's sake, find something else for Malfoy to do. It's getting really, really annoying.
• And while I'm at it, I also get that Umbridge is an evil, soulless, annoying tool. I get it. You don't have to give us a new example of her bitchiness ever few pages. JUST GET ON WITH THE DAMN PLOT.
• Thank you, Sirius's great grand dad or whatever, for finally telling Harry how incredibly dense he is. At last, my voice has found its way into this text. And really, Harry is pretty stupid. His logical conclusions and assumptions about what other people are thinking are just horrendous.
• Harry is desperate for some means of communicating with Sirius. Apparently he has already forgotten about the mysterious package Sirius gave him a hundred pages ago (not very long ago at all in this book) that allows for some kind of communication between them. Again, I must ask, why does Rowling make Harry so incredibly stupid?
  
• As I said above, almost no flaws in the last 200 pages. That was all very well done. Too bad it took 670 pages of pointless, mind-numbing filler to get there.

The movie:

I think this is the first time where the movie is clearly superior to the book. They must have left out half of the text, but it was the boring stuff, so you can barely even tell. Some events were shuffled or simplified to keep the pacing up, which was much needed. Harry's temper tantrums toward his friends were blessedly toned down. The subtle buildup to Ron and Hermione's clearly impending romance was realistic and not forced at all, which I feared it might. Speaking of Hermione, my word. The 5th movie was when the beauty really hit the fan. Yowza.

The action at the end was just as good, if not better, than the book. Seeing Sirius and Harry fight along side each other was just heart-wrenching when you knew what was about to happen. Especially when Sirius said "Nice one, James!" Ugh, that made me want to cry. I would have liked to have seen and heard more of Lupin, though, as he's my favorite character in the whole series. It's also a good thing Michael Gambon plays Dumbledore now, because Richard Harris (God rest his soul) would have looked silly fighting Voldy.

re: re: goblet of fire

Boredom-induced re-watching of the 4th movie made me realize a jaw-dropping, ex-post-facto-obvious, plot hole. In fact, the entire plot of the story - Harry competing in the Triwizard Tournament - is completely pointless.

As the end reveals, a servant of Voldemort entered Harry into the tournament, and conspired for Harry to win the tournament, so Voldemort could get his hands on Harry. This is done by bewitching-or-whatever the Triwizard Cup to transport anyone who touches it (the first to do so wins the tournament) right to Voldemort. So, this begs the question: why go through the big trouble of the Tournament and the Cup? Just make a tennis ball the "portkey," throw it at Harry, yell "catch," and presto he's transported to Voldemort.

I'm on to you Rowling! I'll tear your empire to shreds before I'm done!

the king is dead. long live the king.

6-4, 6-4, 6-7 (5), 6-7 (8), 9-7.

Oh how I've waited for this day. I can't lie though. I dug Roger's tennis sweater.

dear imdb...

These Vantage Point pop-up ads have got to stop. They cover almost entire window and remain for 25 long, excruciating seconds before I'm given a " X Close" box. I accept the fact you need to make money to keep the site running, and what an gloriously useful site it is, but the Vantage Point ads are way over the line.

re: goblet of fire

First the book

• I know they explained it, but I still don't get Krum catching the snitch when it means Bulgaria loses my ten. You have to at least try and score an extra Quaffle so you can tie, right? I have to say it: only a woman could rationalize an athlete purposefully doing something that literally clinches his team losing. YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. /Herm Edwards.
  
• Maybe Draco gets a bad wrap. You ever notice how Draco only talks trash, but and its the Gryffindors who respond physically? To my knowledge, the only times Draco has physically bullied anyone is during a Quidditch match.
• Binding magical contract my foot. Don't tell me they "have to" compete, because, well, they have to, you know! They have to or what, Rowling, what are the consequences. Contracts get breached every day. What makes the breach of a "magical contract" so ostensibly impossible? Especially when it applies to Harry, who never made or accepted a contract offer. You can't just force a kid to risk his life for a damn contest, completely against his will. /Slams head against keyboard.
• Let me get this straight - Moody's eye can look through clothing? He's a teacher, at a school, and he can look through clothing!?!?!?! Hello? Is this thing on?
  
• Neither Harry nor Ron thinking to ask Hermione to the ball is a bigger plot hole than the previously mentioned acid drops. I mean, Jesus, man, ARE THEY BLIND!?!?!?!??! And Ron wasn't even aware of her gender ("Neville's right - you are a girl")!?!??! Stop the madness!!!!
• Ok, ok, so maybe Rowling's original vision on the attractiveness of Hermione might not have been up to Watson's standard, but the fact both Harry or Ron never even considered asking their closest female friend to the dance really is absurd.
• Harry's trip to the Prefect bathroom made me realize that there was yet to be a mention of anyone taking a shower or bath at Hogwarts.
  
• I am continuously blown away by the common use of mail bombs by wizards. Yes, I said mail bombs. Howlers explode if you don't open them immediately remember? And they get sent out to the Ministry and Hogwarts and everyone's like "whatever." Terrorism happens every year at a FREAKING SCHOOL FILLED WITH YOUNG CHILDREN and NOBODY CARES.
• I was very disappointed that Hufflepuff wasn't given the House Cup in honor of Cedric.
  
• Uh, Hermione, I know Rita Skeeter is a total bitch and everything, but you do realize what "kidnapping" and "false imprisonment" are, right? Beetle form or not.
• And what's up with there being so many unregistered animaguses? I'm really tired of that as a plot twist.

And the movie..

First off, let me share my amusement about having to go to the "family" section of Best Buy to get a PG-13 movie. Roffles.

Now, to the actual film: wow, they cut out a lot. And it was still over two hours long. I suppose that's a testament to how long-winded Rowling can be. A lot of what they left out was understandable and probably for the best - pointless stuff like Winky and Dobby, the whole SPEW business, most of Rita's stories, and Hagrid's skrewts. But one thing I could not believe was left out: Dumbledore's plan at the close of the story. His instant exposition on how to respond to Voldermort's return - getting Lupin and the rest of the "old crowd" back together - left me flat-out giddy with anticipation about what lies ahead. See, that's the coolest thing about Dumbeldore. He's The Man With a Plan. They left that completely out, and it would have worked brilliantly on film. Damn. And where was Fudge's head-in-the-sand war strategy? That was pure Neville Chamberlain and I loved it.

By the way, what the hell were Cedric and Harry wearing for the third tasks? How am I supposed to take the duel with Voldermort seriously if Harry is dressed as a court jester?

nitpicking espn

The YMCA had the Euro 2008 match on one of the TVs, and I noticed that the scoreboard graphic had Spain abbreviated as "ESP," short for "España." But Germany was still abbreviated as "GER." If we're going with the native-tongue names for countries, shouldn't it be "DEU" for "Deutschland?"

I demand answers!

i want to be a bobcats fan. i do.

but when Jerryd Bayless AND Brook Lopez are both there for the taking AND YOU DON'T TAKE EITHER, it's kinda hard to get that ball rolling.

trot watch update

Trot Nixon is back in the bigs. I wanted to make note of this several days ago, but I wanted a picture in his new Mets #6 uniform to go along with it, and until now I've been unable to find one. He had signed with the Diamondbacks before spring training and toiled around their Triple-A club until he was traded to the Mets, who immediately called him for their depleted outfield. Here he is high-fiving Brian Schneider after hitting a solo homer yesterday.

duke sucks. by law.

You might have seen this by now, but it's too good to pass up. Duke backed out of their contract with Louisville to play 4 football games, so Louisville sues for breach. Duke's defense: there's a clause that says damages are only rewarded if Louisville can't find a "team of a similar stature" to play instead, and because Duke sucks so much, any team is of at least up to their stature. And the Judge bought it. Thus, by law, Duke sucks at football.

Bonus fun: watch the video to find out what happens when a switch hitter meets an ambidextrous pitcher.

re: prisoner of azkaban

Definitely my favorite Potter book so far. Unnecessary Gripe List:

• Has anyone ever accused J.K. Rowling of being anti-fat? Save for Draco Malfoy, whenever a character is introduced and we're supposed to not like them, they're invariably described as "pudgy" or "porky" or "thick-necked." Uncle Vernon, Dudley, Draco's two cronies, any girl from Slytherin, Peter Pettigrew. And of course the hero of the series is always described as being exceptionally skinny.
• Acid Pops. Let me get this straight. Some wizard business sells a candy that will literally - and intentionally - burn a hole right through your tongue. Amusing at first, until you realize that means magic folk are OK with putting torture in a bag and selling it to children. That's not just a plot hole; that's a giant, gaping abyss in the Potter Space/Time Continuum, swallowing up and regurgitating inside-out every conceivable approach to logic, law, business, marketing, and basic morality.
• The house mascot of Gryffindor is... a lion? Shouldn't it be, you know, a griffin? And wiki tells me the house mascot of Ravenclaw is....an eagle? What's with that? I get the feeling Rowling would have made the Buffalo Bills' mascot an ox.
• I noticed a big plot hole concerning Lupin's werewolf-ness. In the book, its explained that he turns all wolfy whenever the full moon comes around - as a student he went to the Shrieking Shack as to not be a danger to anyone and as a professor he holed himself up in his office. But when Lupin turns wolfy toward the end of the book, he doesn't do so until the full moon comes out from behind the clouds and beams light down on him. So which is it, Rowling? Does he turn due to the full moon's presence alone or does he require the moonlight to hit him?
• I guess the teachers live at Hogwarts? Is there like a Faculty Apartments Tower?
• Harry still hasn't lost a Quidditch match, fair and square (meaning, no injuries, no dementors on the field, etc.)

Bonus thoughts on Philosopher's Stone movie:

• The best child actor on the cast is the kid who plays Draco Malfoy. He plays an 11-year old asshole - that's very tricky to look convincing, and this kid nails it.
• Radcliffe and Watson were pretty good, and that's coming from a guy who generally can't stand child actors. Rupert Grint gets on my nerves, though, sorry buddy.
• The kids who play Fred and George were horrible. Must have been hard to find 12-year old twin red-head British actors.
• Coltrane and Rickman are the best parts of the movie, along with my own amusement at noticing Watson's impending hotness.
  

what kiefer did over the 24 holiday

He made a movie that I swear's been made twenty times already.

Mirrors:


Not to be confused with The Ring, or The Eye, or The Ring 2, or The Grudge, or Dark Water, or The Grudge 2, or any other "oh no weird evil ghostly stuff and oh look it got the kid" movies.

i get the most boring grades imaginable

Two B-'s, one B, one B+. Snooze. My mind had gotten so used to this 9 - 5 business at the firm that I had completely forgotten about grades, or even that I'm still just a student, until tonight. The B+ actually came from the exam that scared me the most: Professional Responsibility. It was 3 hours long and I finished in just over 2 hours, which is not even close to normal. I checked my answers, reread the questions, reread my copy of the Model Rules, twiddled my thumbs for a bit and waited for someone to turn their exam in. No dice. I had finished obscenely early, and seeing as how I'm no genius, should mean I left out something huge. I resigned myself to this fate and turned in my blue books, again the first to do so, at an even 2 hours and 30 minutes.

And what was the consequence of this most unusual turn of events? The same old boring B, albeit with the "+" cherry on top. Go figure.

re: chamber of secrets

I saw a motorcycle today with what can best be described as giant training wheels. It was weird. Anyway, on to my pointless nit-picking of the second Potter book. My goal is to read the entire series by the end of the summer.

• I still don't like the House Cup points system. Gryffindor wins because Harry risks life and limb by confronting the most evilest wizard of all-time and Dumbledore rewards him with like 500 points each time. Think about the standard that sets for the rest of the school, Dumbly. You're telling these kids that the only way to win the Cup is to put their lives in mortal danger.
  
• What's up with the high degree of variances in the speed of broomsticks? Isn't it completely unfair that some Quidditch players get lightening fast models and others are slow and out-dated?
• Is Harry ever actually going to lose a Quidditch match? If he continues to be undefeated then I'm going to lose interest. Grow a pair, Rowling.
  
• Ron doesn't even know what a telephone is? I'm calling bull on this one, as in, this is not even possible. The Weasleys live in a Muggle neighborhood for crying out loud. You're telling me they've never heard of the freaking telephone, the most common electrical device in the world? I bet these guys know what a God-blessed telephone is.
• Dobby getting his freedom was total bush league. Malfoy didn't give him the sock, he tossed it aside and Dobby grabbed it. If that was legit, then all any house elf would have to do to win his freedom is sneak up on their masters when they take off their jacket or something, grab it and just run away. The movie version made so much more sense.
  

Things I was relieved to have happened...

• Maybe it's because I read a paper-back version this time, but the Americanization of the text appears to have ended or at least largely scaled-back, as evidenced by the use of the word "paddock," which Wikipedia tells me is the name for an enclosure for livestock in British English.

re: indy 4

Pretty good, but I'm here to give you my now customary "things that bugged me in an otherwise enjoyable product" list. Massive spoilers abound.

• Marion Ravenwood disappearing for five minutes in the jungle chase. She and Cate Blanchett found themselves on the the amphibious vehicle, staring each other down, and I thought there was going to be a chick fight, but instead it cuts to another part of the chase and Marion is gone from all cars for a couple minutes. Then, when the chase is nearly over, she's back driving the duckie. That annoyed me, but it's not exactly the first plot hole involving her in an Indy movie. Remember her "death" in Raiders? Switched baskets my ass. You can hear her screaming from inside the basket as they put it on the truck that immediately blows up. I hate it when movies have misdirection like that. Another example is when Will Smith sees Frank the mannequin in a new location in I Am Legend. When you first see Frank, his head clearly turns - making you think its a Zombie. Of course it's not a zombie, its Frank, you only thought it was a zombie because HIS DAMN HEAD TURNED 90 DEGREES. How presumptuous of me!
• I know all religions are real in the Indyverse (see the very effective voo doo doll and other clearly-working sorcery in Temple), but seeing the alien's - I'm sorry, "inter-dimensional being's" - head and the flying saucer was too much for me. Spielberg loves his aliens, but he really needed to keep it more ambiguous. It's not like we saw the ghost of Moses pop out of the Ark.
• The completely pointless street racing at the very beginning. I guess Spielberg was trying to set a 50's tone, but that tone would be set later on aplenty with the Greasers vs Socs rumble. Wouldn't it be better to show Indy first, so the movie is more "It's Indiana Jones... in 1957" and less "the 50's had Indy too." Does that makes sense? And what the hell were those kids doing in the middle of desert anyway? Area 51 isn't exactly just outta town.
  
• The Crystal Skulls as the movie MacGuffin. They're not a bad plot device (much better than the P.O.S. rock with three stripes on it in Temple), but was this really the best they could come up with in 20 years?
• The entire Mac character. Utterly and completely pointless. What did he bring to the movie? How did he advance the plot? Anything?
  
• Shia and the monkeys. I'm cool with the Mutt Williams character, but the whole swinging-through-the-jungles-with-monkeys was horrifically awful. It was silly but not funny, and there was no point to it.
  

Common complaints I'm actually OK with...

• "Indy is too old." This didn't bother me. Indy was born in 1899, so he'd be 58 in 1957, and and it's not like it's impossible to be athletic at that age. Plus, he drank from the Cup of Christ, that's gotta have some nice after-effects, going past the seal or not.
• "Marion looks so old." Jeebus man, she's a woman in her 50's, what do you expect.
• "A nuke, really?" I feel like this should be a major Jump-the-Shark moment, but I'm strangely OK with it. I mean, Indiana Jones survived a nuke. How cool is that.

And what the hell, things I really liked.

• Opening action sequence in the warehouse. Except the "damn, I thought that'd be closer" line.
• Seeing the Janitor from Scrubs as a 50's spook.
  
• Mutt and Indy on the bike action sequence. Except the very end, where the student asks Indy a question like he'd didn't just do a controlled slide in a motorcycle through half the library.
• Marcus Brody's statute.
  
• The jungle chase scene in general. Except Marion disappearing and the monkeys, as noted already.
• "Henry... Jones... Juniah."
  

All-in-all, a good movie. Raiders and Crusades are still miles better, but I actually put this one ahead of Temple, which I've never really liked.

re: the first harry potter book

Yes, it was very good, but you have everyone else on the planet to tell you that. So in an effort that will surely only amuse myself, I'm going to list the little things that annoyed me.

• The House Cup. I don't like the point system. We have Professors who are the head of Houses but also dish out / take away points? That's like the managers in a boxing match also being the judges. And the amount of points taken or given is completely arbitrary: 10 point for this, 5 points for that, then 450 point bombs for other things. What gives? You need more structure for this to be a fair competition.
  
• Quidditch. I like the basic "flying lacrosse" style, but I really don't like the scoring system. Ten points for scoring a goal, but 160 points AND game-over for catching the snitch? That makes goal-scoring pointless. Almost all energy should be devoted to catching the snitch and harassing the other team's seeker. A more interesting system would be if catching the snitch rewarded no points, but would still end the game. Then we'd have the seekers go back and forth between trying to catch it and trying to stop the other team from catching it as the lead changed.
• Draco Malfoy. I hope more is in store for this character, maybe a redemption storyline. From what I've seen in the movies, all he does is talk trash and then get punched in the face. Boring.
• Why are Wizarding families completely dense to Muggle culture? Like Ron's "what's basketball?" comment. Come on, man. We're not the ones living in secret.
• I find it highly amusing that Wizards think of Muggles as complete fools while we're the ones with more efficient communication. I'll take a phone over a damn owl any day.
• "Muggle," by the way, is pretty much the N-word if you look at the context it's used.
• Is there no such thing as tort liability in Wizard law? Think about the danger these kids are constantly put in. Flying around hundreds of feet in the air without so much as a safety belt. Hunting an unknown, dangerous creature in the forbidden forest as punishment. You can find safer schools in inner-city Baltimore.
• This isn't Rowling's fault, but the Americanization of the text really got on my nerves. The two worst examples are references to "soccer" and a banner reading "Potter for President." How dumb do these UK editors think we are? Not to mention they changed the damn title of the first book. It's a miracle they didn't refer to the Dursley's Christmas gift to Harry as a "quarter" instead of a pence piece.
• Speaking of which, how did the Dursley's get the address to Hogwarts, anyway? Or did they just write "Harry Potter, Hogwarts" on the envelope and find the nearest owl?
• Why does everyone's name begin with an "H?" By God, this annoyed me. Harry. Hagrid. Hedwig. Hogwarts. Hermione. Hufflepuff. Enough, already!

But like I said, a very good book. :-P

damn you rules of professional responsibility

So I had this fun story written up about how during settlement negotiations the opposing counsel dropped a bomb on us, evidence that made it impossible for us to win in a hearing. It was glorious.

BUT- then I realized it's ethically sketchy to tell even a name-less client story over The Internets. Anyway, that's what I'm up to now-a-days. Suing people and stuff.

Oh, and I started reading the first Harry Potter book on Monday and I'm almost done with it. Hey, its the first time I've had a chance for leisurely reading in what, six years?

dear nba schedule makers

Why is there a three-day break between games 6 and 7 of the Spurs-Hornets series but only a one-day break between that game 7 and game 1 of the Western Conference Finals?

attack of the zombie fish

Please believe what I'm about to tell you. It's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Yesterday, a two-to-three foot dead catfish had washed up against our rocks and was stinking up the back yard. I dig a foot-deep hole and bury it, fully expecting that to be the end of it. How presumptuous of me.

This morning I'm looking out on our backyard and see something I at first thought was a piece of wood about six feet from the grave. Upon closer inspection, and I'm sure you can see where this is going by now, it was the dead fish, risen up from its grave. It's white skin had rotted to brown and green flies were swirling all over it. It's back fin and eyes were gone, but other than that and the skin it was unchanged (as in, not eaten into).

My mind searched for an answer not involving zombies. Can ants dig up and carry for six feet a three-foot long fish? Don't think so. They'd just eat it right up. What about a dog, it could have dug it up? Yes, but we don't have a dog, and our neighbor's dogs should be kept out of yard by a invisible fence and a real fence, respectively. Moreso, the dug-up grave didn't have any paw prints or scratch marks; it would just dirt tossed every which way.

So what happened? Anyone?

the dawn of a new age

the reign of dial-up at the gooden estate is over.

may the reign of teaching my family how to use wireless signals and internet explorer begin!

i submit to chris paul's will

God help us all.

10pm tonight: deacon fans' dream/nightmare matchup

I will of course be pulling for the Spurs, as they've been my team since the moment they drafted Timmy, but I'm not exactly looking forward to rooting against CP3.

studying sux

As I sit here studying my various, beloved legal subjects and issues, there is but a single movie scene that I feel a certain sense of... identification with.

From Almost Heroes, the most underrated comedy of all time.

don't watch "there will be blood."

I've already mentioned this to a couple people, but it bears repeating. Don't see the Paul Thomas Anderson "masterpiece" film about the early 20th century oil business, "There Will Be Blood." Why? Because it really, really sucks.

More specifically, there is no plot. At all. Nothing happens. It's Daniel Day-Lewis looking for oil and he gets annoyed by this religious kid played by Paul Dano. There. I just described the first hour and a half of the movie, and I'm pretty sure the rest of the movie is just him looking for more oil and him and Dano disliking each other even more. I would have to quote the dialogue line-by-line to give you a more detailed summary. Is the acting amazing? Yes, by both DDL and Dano. Are the sets amazing? Yes. But no where in the first half of the film (I had to stop watching half-way to protect my own sanity) does anything happen that makes you the least bit interested in what is coming next. You just don't care. And its no wonder: how am I suppose to wonder how things will end if nothing of note began in the first place?

I can't emphasize this enough: it's the most mind-numbingly dull and insufferably boring half-a-movie I've ever seen. And I saw Hercules in New York. At least that had the dignity to have Arnold fight a man in a bear suit.

So instead of wasting hours of your life with this snooze fest, enjoy the parodical "milkshake" summary of the film below. I can't even give you a spoiler warning because THERE'S NOTHING TO SPOIL.

"The sons of Wake Forest are unrivaled."

Here's an article from the GNO that I enjoyed: "Wake alumni shine."

The first weekend of NBA playoff games belonged in large part to Wake Forest University.

While there were several standout performances, including a few by former Duke and North Carolina stars, the combined output of ex-Deacons Tim Duncan for San Antonio and Chris Paul for New Orleans was sensational.

In a double-overtime 117-112 win over Phoenix and Shaquille O'Neal on Saturday, Duncan had 40 points, 15 rebounds and five assists in what had to rate as one of his better games ever, which is saying something.

Predictably, Duncan downplayed his statistical line and pointed to the importance of winning at home in the opening game in the first-round Western Conference series. Since his days as a freshman at Wake Forest, Duncan always has been an unassuming, team-first player. There were times early on when he was visibly embarrassed by the public praise he got from then-Wake coach Dave Odom.

Duncan has aged with such grace that it's difficult to believe that he will turn 32 on Friday. For an NBA big man who rarely takes a prolonged game rest, much less an entire day off, Duncan has logged a lot of miles. He's at a career stage where a good many NBA players are past their primes and beginning to consider retirement.

When San Antonio made Duncan the No. 1 overall pick in the 1997 NBA Draft, which was held in Charlotte, the Spurs were a 20-62 team and under some fan pressure to skip Duncan in favor Utah's Keith Van Horn, another big man who was rated as a potentially better mid-range shooter.

Obviously, the Spurs made the correct call. Van Horn is nearing the end of an average career. Duncan already has Hall of Fame credentials and may yet play on a fifth championship team.

New Orleans can see a similar career path for Paul, a third-year player who is on the verge of becoming the league's best point guard. He began the playoffs with 35 points and 10 assists in the Hornets' 104-92 win over Dallas, which got 17 points from its own ex-Deacon, Josh Howard.

Although Paul went fourth in the 2005 NBA Draft, he's beginning to look like a steal. That draft began with Milwaukee and Atlanta taking big men: Utah sophomore Andrew Bogut to the Bucks and Carolina freshman Marvin Williams to the Hawks. The Utah Jazz picked third and took Illinois guard Deron Williams.

Like most young big men, Bogut and Marvin Williams are taking a while to adjust to the NBA offensive flow. Deron Williams quickly has emerged as an integral part of Utah's lineup.

But no one in that 2005 draft has made more of an impact than Paul, who won the top rookie award and was the most important factor in the Hornets improving from 18-64 in 2004-05 to 38-44 in 2005-06.

The Hornets didn't reach the playoffs in Paul's rookie season and came up just short in his second, but this season there wasn't a more consistent team from the start of the regular season to the finish. With former Garner High standout David West playing another key role, the Hornets are the quickest team in the NBA.

Mavericks coach Avery Johnson, a former NBA player, went so far as to say that Paul's elusive moves will dictate a quick change in defensive strategy. "We've got to find a way to stay in front of him," Johnson said.

Each team has played only one playoff game. Duncan's legs may yet tire, and Paul could have trouble dealing with Dallas' defensive adjustments. But one weekend into the marathon playoff grind, the sons of Wake Forest are unrivaled.

That's how we do it in SAAAANNN ANNNN TOE NE OHHH!!!!

Tim Duncan exploded for 40 points and 15 rebounds in Game 1 against the Suns. The best of those points came on an insanely clutch three-pointer to tie the game at 104 with three seconds left in the first OT. His first three since last season. Absolutely unreal - he's a different player in the playoffs.

Images with the corresponding sounds that emanated from my apartment follows.

"Oh, no way..."

"HOLY $%&@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i guarantee this is the strangest thing you've seen all day

A Russian military choir and a Finnish rock band singing "Sweet Home Alabama." In English.

when i own a baseball team

After someone requested some new posts, I decided to take an old idea out of storage, dust it off, and present it for the world to see.

This nifty little link allows one to create their own baseball uniform. I took advantage and designed the outfits for the next great baseball franchise - the Carolina Colonials.

Home:

Away:

Alternate:


Wake Forest colors, of course. I went with "Colonials" because of the alliteration with "Carolina" and North Carolina was home to the first English colony. I fell in love with this little idea so much I had some fun with Word and Paint to make some logo ideas. A quick sample:

The whole smorgasbord of virtual doodles can be found here. I used a "Yold Anglican" font for the big "C" and a "Morpheus" font for the rest. The two white stars represent North and South Carolina, as if they were the same two white stars from Old Glory that stand for the Carolinas. So if I happen upon a cool 200 million and the Marlins or DEVIL Rays are up for sale, I'm ready to go.

ethical dilemma

So right now I'm in the Widener library for the 30 minutes I have between my Sales and my Professional Responsibility classes. A girl from my Sales class just walked up to me and asked me if I'm in Friedman's Sales class, I say I am, and she politely asks if she can "borrow my notes." Since we're graded on the curve I don't like the giving away my notes, but I saw her in class today and figure maybe she accidentally deleted her notes or something, so I say sure and give her a piece of paper to write her down her e-mail address. She does so, but also writes

"Assignment 8 - today."

Uh... what?! Assignment 8 was over two months ago! I thought she just meant today's notes! She's basically asking for all the work I've ever done in that class. Couldn't she ask one of her exchange student buddies (I think they're from China)?

What do I do?

a) don't send the notes and pretend that she never talked to me
b) send her all my notes, but make "Free Tibet!" the subject.
c) send her an "abridged" version of my notes.

I'm leaning towards (c), but that's going to take time to randomly delete portions of what I took down, but not too much to be noticeable.

Any ideas?

l&l endorses chris paul for mvp

For anyone who hasn't been paying attention to the NBA (re: everyone), Wake's former All-American PG has been pretty much tearing up the basketball world this season. The Hornets have the best record in the West with CP3 leading the way. As evidence of The Mayor's MVP-worthiness, I present to you the per-game averages put up in Steve Nash's two MVP seasons, compared to what Chris is doing this year.


Stat -------- Steve Nash, MVP years ------------- Chris Paul, this year

Points: ------15.5, 18.9 ------------------------------- 21.5
FG%: -------50.2, 51.2 ------------------------------- 49.1
FT%: -------88.7, 92.1 ------------------------------- 85.3
Threes: -----1.3, 1.9 --------------------------------- 1.2
Rebounds: --3.3, 4.2 --------------------------------- 4.0
Assists: -----11.5, 10.5 -------------------------------11.5
Steals: ------1.0, 0.8 --------------------------------- 2.7
Turnovers: --3.3, 3,5 --------------------------------- 2.5


More points, more steals, less turnovers, same assists and FG%, Chris Paul is unquestionably having a better season than Steve Nash when he won his MVPs.

I realize there is a giant flaw in this argument, since I'm not comparing Chris's stats to what other players are doing this season (or what other players did in Nash's MVP seasons), but I'm three weeks away from my first exam. Give me a break.

play ball!

Baseball kicked off today as it always has - a week before April at the crack of dawn, live from the Tokyo Dome! With advertisements patched on to the uniforms! Ah, tradition.


But hey, the Sawks won. What right do I have to complain. Best recuhd in basebaahl! Nomah!

who are these idiots?

I had my fantasy baseball draft tonight. As per usual, it was with eleven other people who I have never met nor will ever meet. This is what these morons let me get away with in my first seven picks:

1. David Wright (6th overall pick)
2. Alfonso Soriano (19)
3. Mark Teixeira (30)
4. Brian Roberts (43)
5. Troy Tulowitzki (54)
6. Russell Martin (67)
7. Corey Hart (78)

The league uses your standard 5x5 scoring system, but for some reason these guys were just craving pitchers. One guy's first three picks were Santana, Peavy and CC Sabathia. In a year where pitching is really deep, I can't emphasize enough the idiocy of this strategy. My philosophy: let them have their pitching wars while I commit grand larceny on hitters. Going by my rankings, I got the #4, 14, 17, 30, 31, 34 and 42 hitters with draft selections nearly twice those numbers, as you can see above.

The downside, of course, of waiting until the 8th round to take a pitcher in a league infatuated with them (Tim Lincecum went in the 5th!), is how you put together a decent staff with only leftovers. With my next eight selections, I got: Rich Hill, James Shields, Chad Billingsley, Rafael Soriano, Ben Sheets, B.J. Ryan, Clay Buchholz, and Brian Wilson. That's five starters with #1 type stuff and three closers. Pretty good, I think. Sheets and Ryan are both big injury risks, but taking them in the 12th and 13th rounds made them worth it.

Rounding out my team are: Nick Swisher (somehow still available in 16th round), Evan Longoria, Tom Gorzelanny, Kelly Johnson, Adam Jones, Jonathan Broxton, and Felipe López.

All in all, I'm very pleased with this team. I feel like I can finish first in runs, RBI, home runs and stolen bases, and Swisher might be my only guy to hit below .290. Pitching? Hard to tell, but I certainly think I will "field" a very competitive staff, at least for ERA, WHIP, and K's.

Edit: I forgot to mention that my team name is the FedEx Popes, named after the "worst" character to ever appear on Late Night.


Cheers!

i think the Ice Age people may be reading Earth's timeline upside down

Will Ice Age 4 be called "The Trouble with Trilobites?"

tom's recliner of rage

If you watch Conan O'Brien regularly, you may have seen a segment called "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage," where the aforementioned makes nerd-culture complaints, all from the comfort of a recliner. This is my version of that.


I do my grocery shopping at a Giant located near my law school. It's a very big store, and you'd think it'd carry everything you'd want. Well, not when 90% of your snacking comes from Quaker Oats crunchy granola bars and Lance cream cheese & chives crackers, and your beverage of choice is sparkling white grape juice. Nowadays, I can only get Quaker Oats chewy granola bars, I have to buy a variety pack of eight crackers just to get two cream cheese & chives, and the only sparkling juice is apple-grape. Bottom line, America?

/adjusts recliner, points finger at camera

I shouldn't be reduced to going to Target for good crunchy granola bars (Nature Valley tastes like cardboard), I should be able to get all the cream cheese & chives I want without wasting my money on sorry excuses for crackers like "smoke house cheddar," and if you're going to combine every juice with apples and cranberries, at least leave the single-fruit juices for us non-spastics!