tom's recliner of rage

If you watch Conan O'Brien regularly, you may have seen a segment called "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage," where the aforementioned makes nerd-culture complaints, all from the comfort of a recliner. This is my version of that.


I do my grocery shopping at a Giant located near my law school. It's a very big store, and you'd think it'd carry everything you'd want. Well, not when 90% of your snacking comes from Quaker Oats crunchy granola bars and Lance cream cheese & chives crackers, and your beverage of choice is sparkling white grape juice. Nowadays, I can only get Quaker Oats chewy granola bars, I have to buy a variety pack of eight crackers just to get two cream cheese & chives, and the only sparkling juice is apple-grape. Bottom line, America?

/adjusts recliner, points finger at camera

I shouldn't be reduced to going to Target for good crunchy granola bars (Nature Valley tastes like cardboard), I should be able to get all the cream cheese & chives I want without wasting my money on sorry excuses for crackers like "smoke house cheddar," and if you're going to combine every juice with apples and cranberries, at least leave the single-fruit juices for us non-spastics!