I Am So Disappointed In The History Channel

The normally dependable History Channel has a special "Armageddon Countdown" this week. Their top five are

5) Asteroid
4) Super volcano
3) Nuclear war
2) Super virus


and the number one cause for the doom of us all...


1) Global warming.

LAME.

Retroactive Inappropriateness

One of my favorite SNL skits is Dana Carvey as Tom Brokaw, pre-taping announcements for every way Gerald Ford could die. I often wondered if it would still be funny once Gerald Ford actually died, and today we get to find out. I vote a resounding and good-natured 'yes,' but you be the judge.

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The SUV pulls away from the Gooden Estate this Saturday morning, destined for Miami. We have hotel reservations at the Sheraton Inn in Ft. Lauderdale from the 31st through the 2nd, although what we'll be doing the days leading up to The Game will be a mystery. My dad was proposing several other things we could do (Disney World, short cruise) but I was adamant that it be kept to a minimum. I just want to spend these three weeks as stress-free and minimalist as possible.

Christmas break is like the eye of the hurricane for 1L's: a short relief while thinking both "Thank God that's over!" and "Oh God what's coming next?" My first semester was very tough, and I'm pretty sure this one will be worse. I will have 5 classes instead of 4, plus I'll be trying to transfer (Elon? Mercer?). It's not that I don't like Widener, I just don't like Delaware. Specifically, I don't like the 500 miles between it and anyone I know. I always thought of myself as a home body; the past four months just confirmed it.

Anyway, that's the latest. A merry belated Christmas.

Grobal Warming

Jim Grobe Wins AP Coach of the Year

The headline says Grobe is leading a "revival" of Wake football, which is too kind to our history. This isn't so much a "revival" of past glories as it is a head-strong charge into unprecedented territory. It wasn't so long ago (this season, in fact) that ESPN analyst Mark May made special notice of our ineptitude ("You know who's bad? Wake Forest.") Of course we were bad, right? It didn't matter we were undefeated at the time, it didn't matter the talent of our players or the smarts of our coaches, we were Wake Forest, forever doomed to be ACC's little whipping boy. We couldn't possibly be any good.

That's why Jim Grobe is the AP Coach of the Year and Mark Mary works behind a desk. One knows how to build a championship football team and the other mistakes champions for doormats.

At Last, Light Has Broken Through The Darkness

Pardon the melodrama, but God Almighty has it been a rough two weeks. Six hours every day at Barnes & Noble alone, just diving into as much material as I could. Highlighting my notes. Outlining my notes. Outlining my outline. Outlining the outline of my outline. Studying, studying, studying. I have never driven myself that hard, and I'm both anxious and nervous to see the results.

Naturally, I have been very much out of it. I learned of the Drew signing from Phantom's comment. It wasn't until 4pm on Sunday that I realized football was being played. I learned of the Matsuzaka signing from a guy in a Sox hat who spoke to me in the law building (I was sporting a Beckett #19 shirt). It wasn't until just this second that I remembered Wake is playing De Paul tonight. *pauses to check score* Down by 22. Great.

Anyway, I now have that odd burden of reconditioning myself back to being lazy. I have to think of something to do in the afternoons that doesn't involve noticing the odd array of people who browse the witchcraft section of B&N, which just so happens to be next to the best studying nook. But getting used to laziness again shouldn't take me that long (too much experience). I'm looking forward to just sitting on the couch (at home!) and not having to worry about a thing. No case briefs, no outlines, no cram sessions. Just... nothing.

Then of course, three weeks later, it starts all over again.

Is There a Wormhole Connecting LA and Boston?

Boston has signed two players away from the LA Dodgers - JD Drew and Julio Lugo. This is on top of...

• Dave Roberts being traded from LA to Boston.
  
• Bill Mueller leaving Boston for LA.
• Derek Lowe leaving Boston for LA.
• Nomar Garciaparra leaving Boston for LA (with a pit stop in Chicago).
• Grady Little leaving Boston for LA (also with, believe it or not, a pit stop in Chicago).
• Rumors of a possible trade sending Manny from Boston to LA.
  

Really folks, lets be honest. There can be only one explanation.

I Dub Thee a Suitable Replacement For Christopher Trotman Nixon

I find it quite ironic that JD is replacing Trot. See, as I've said before my initial following of the Red Sox had a lot to do with Trot's presence on the team. In a lesser fashion I made the Cardinals my "NL team" because of JD Drew. And while my idolization of Trot made some sense, I can't say the same for JD. I don't know where he's from, what his life outside baseball is like, nothing. I guess it's just because he's a white right fielder who wears number 7, like Trot. And, for what it's worth, Trot is JD's "Most Similar Batter" on his baseball-reference.com page. Anyway, though I'm generally in favor of JD manning Fenway's right field next season, there's plenty of arguments against the signing. I'm here to address all that I can think of.

But he's always hurt!
True. This is undoubtedly the strongest argument against JD. Yes, he does have a long history of injuries. The best counter to this is to say he's actually suffered only one major injury in the past three years: a fractured left wrist when he was hit by a fastball in 2005, and it's hard to hold that type of injury against him. Other than that, he's been pretty healthy, logging 145 games in '04 and 146 in '06.

But $70 million? He ain't worth $14 mill a year!
Last year, I would have agreed with you. But let's face it folks, the market has significantly changed since then. Juan Pierre is getting $9 mill per. Gary Matthews Jr. $10 mill. Adam Eaton $8 mill. These are not very good players. So, I'd say 13 or 14 mill per is about what you should expect for Drew. I would have preferred to sign him for less, but in today's market that really wasn't possible.

But why you breakin' the bank on JD when ya didn't give Johnny D what he wanted?
I swear, if I hear one more Sawks fan complain about Theo not signing Damon I will personally remove their spine. Just shut up. Theo was giving Damon what he wanted, but every time he just went to Steinbrenner and came back with higher offer for Theo to match. Theo got tired of playing that game and I can't blame him. Plus, JD is a much better hitter than Damon (career OPS's of .905 and .789) and, as I've said, last year's market was much different.

But he's an a-hole!
There's this perception around JD that he's an underachiever, or a jerk, or clubhouse cancer, etc. Apparently a lot of it comes from when LaRussa ripped him in "Three Nights in August." Having never read the book, I will have to defer to Phantom (who has) on that one. I will say that I loathe fans who criticize players because they don't "show emotion" and therefore "don't care." What different does it make whether a player breaks his bat after he strikes out or knocks down the Gatorade cooler when his team loses? If someone did this in another work setting, wouldn't we say they have anger management issues? And yet it's what we expect from our athletes. I just don't get it. Similarly, I could care less if Manny or JD or whoever doesn't run full speed to first on a ground ball. You hit like they hit, and you can play as "uncaring" as you wish as far as I'm concerned.

Wow, where was I?

You know all this Matsuzaka and Drew stuff makes the Red Sox just as bad as the Yankees, don't you?
No, no it doesn't. The Yankees regularly spend about $80 million more per year than Boston. That's the same difference as between Boston and Colorado, who had the third smallest payroll in 2006. Believe me, Boston has a long way to go before they're on par with New York. If you want to call them the biggest spenders of "normal" clubs, fine (cuz they are). But New York is still in a whole different stratosphere from the rest of baseball.

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I suppose I should address the Lugo signing while I'm at it. I'm OK with it since Lugo was the best shortstop on the market, but I have issues with him as a person. Back in 2003, he was arrested for hitting his wife and slamming her head on a car hood. I don't like being put in the position of rooting for a wife beater, so watching his at-bats in the upcoming season will be an interesting experience. I'm not really sure how I'll react.

In happier news, Jon Lester's cancer is in remission.

ACC CHAMPIONS!!!!

Thirty six years is too long to wait for a conference championship. My mom called after the game and I think she was in tears. For 61 years and counting she's been as big a Deacon fan as you can imagine. Today is a very special day for her, as it is for every Deacon fan everywhere. Next stop: Orange Bowl, baby. THE. ORANGE. BOWL.

January 2nd. Miami, FL. Can't come soon enough.

Edit: I want that shirt. Now.

Last Night Before JUDGMENT DAY

Oh, OSU and Michigan already did that? So what can tomorrow be then? New heaven and new earth? I'm bordering on sacrilege, aren't I.

Anyway, 1pm tomorrow on ABC. Wake will either make (more) history and go to the Orange Bowl and meet an at-large (Notre Dame? Michigan?) or be relegated to (possibly) the Meineke Bowl (vs. Navy?). So the stakes are self-evident, meine freuden.

Three Goodens will be in attendance, while a fourth is stuck watching it on TV whilst not outlining Civ Pro.

Before we panic about losing to a service academy by 36 points...

This is the same Air Force team that beat an otherwise undefeated Stanford team by 34 points. In Stanford.

And beat Colorado by 38. In Boulder.

And was within 7 points of Duke with 8 minutes left in the 2nd half. In uh, Kansas City (CBE Classic tournament, whatever that is).

And beat an otherwise 6-1 Texas Tech team by 14.

All I'm saying is it's not like they're a crappy team. Still, they're a service academy and we lost by 36. You may now panic.

How Does a Part-Time Fullback Win ACC Rookie of the Year?

When he also plays full-time quarterback. Riley Skinner, aka the blockingest QB of all-time, is your ACC Rookie of the Year.

I have never, ever, ever seen a QB throw more blocks than this guy. No one even comes close. Normally, when there's some sweep gone wrong and the back switches direction and the QB throws himself into a would-be tackler, it gets played over and over on Sportscenter. I remember when Doug Flutie did so back when he was reemerging in Buffalo, and the talking heads couldn't get enough of it. And I was right there with them. Flutie, or any QB, throwing a well-placed block is undoubtedly a fun sight. That's why I love watching Skinner. He throws a block literally about every other running play. If you haven't noticed this, you don't know what you're missing. The kid only weighs 195, which is about 50 pounds less than your typical NFL fullback. But he keeps throwing block after block in Grobe's crazy-like-a-fox, every-play-is-a-trick-play offensive system.

Speaking of Grobe, he's your unanimous ACC Coach of the Year. Like there was ever any doubt. He's also insistent that he's here to stay.

There's also this article from ESPN.com, listing Wake as the #1 overachiever this season. This amuses me because it was only a few days that the Observer ran a story about how the Deacons are tired of being called, well, overachievers. They prefer to be called just flat-out good.

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If you haven't already noticed, I'm taking this blog in a slightly new direction. Or maybe I should say the direction has been re-focused. Anyway, expect L&L to become more like a Wake Forest sports blog, though I will still certainly post on other matters, personal and otherwise. Of course, I could also scrap the whole idea tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Nine Deacons Make All-ACC

Wake Forest Places School Record Nine On All-ACC Team

The All-ACC team is out, and your 10-2 Demon Deacons have nine of their own included. First-teamers are Vallos, Justice, Abbate, Gattis, and Swank; Skinner made the second-team; Tucker, Ghee, and Swank (this time as a punter) were honorable mentions.

News from the Wake boards: a senior studying abroad in Austria made a joking request for $800 so he could buy a ticket to Jacksonville to see his Deacs play in the ACC Championship. A few posters replied with "hey, I'll thrown in 10 bucks" and within a day, all the money was raised.

Also, I'm a wee nervous about Jay Cutler being the Bronco's starting QB. Even though he played very well in preseason, even though I wholeheartedly endorsed Shanahan drafting him, this still makes me nervous. In 2005, Wake Forest (you know, back when we sucked) held Cutler in check to the tune of 276 passing yards, 1 touchdown and 1 interception. But hey, maybe Cutler will play great and I can say "See? Even when Wake was down, we were better than some NFL teams."

More NFL/Wake news: old salt and Wake alum Ricky Proehl has signed with the Colts. Watch your back, Marvin.

Is This Really Gonna Happen?

Wake Forest is one (1!) win away from being in the Orange Bowl. The Orange Bowl. Wake. Orange Bowl. ACC Atlantic Division champs. My school. My friggin' school.


/passes out

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I made it to home and back in one piece, despite a very solid effort from ATL to leave me stranded in Joy'ja. See, after my flight from Charlotte arrived at 6:15pm, I checked the flight schedules, and turns out the 4403 to Wilmington is delayed from 6:50 to 7:51. I go to the proper gate just to make sure. Yep, it says the new departure time is 7:51. I take a semi-long walk to Popeye's and notice the long line. Then I just get this feeling. Honest to God. It was a feeling that, considering the long line, maybe I should go back to my gate in case I really don't have all the time that I've been told I do. So I go all the way back and, sure enough, the new new departure time is 7:05. WTF? You can't just move up the departure time by 46 minutes!

Naturally, there was several late arrivals, including the girl next to me who got on board right before the flight attendant locked up the plane. There was also three empty seats behind me, probably meaning three people will have to wait until tomorrow to get back to the Land of Tax-Free Shopping.

Clint's unCreative Casting

So ya know that Flags of Our Fathers movie, right? Well, there's something about it I just couldn't help but notice.

Three of the actors in the movie are Adam Beach, Barry Pepper, and Neal McDonough. What's significant about that is this: all three of them have already had roles in World War II movies. Adam Beach was a Navajo code talker in Windtalkers, Barry Pepper was a Bible-quotin' sniper in Saving Private Ryan, and Neal McDonough was 1st Lieutenant (and future Sirhan Sirhan prosecutor) Buck Compton in Band of Brothers. Okay, so Band of Brothers is a mini-series and not actually a movie, but my point remains. Isn't kind of lazy (and like i said, uncreative) to cast a bunch of guys who've already done the whole "WW2 soldier" thing?

Oh, and I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Is anyone else in love with persimmon pudding?

what's going on? where am i?

Covenants not to compete in New Hampshire! Covenants not to compete in New Hampshire! Wait... waaaaiiiit. I'm done with that! I - I - I can now think about things other than covenants not to compete in New Hampshire! Uhhh... ummm... baseball. That's good. Another. Uhhh... friends! Yes, friends! That's right, I saw some this weekend! I remember! I had fun! Even when I played the role of resident crowd controller in the VT game/riot. Did I really do that? I thought I avoided confrontation wherever possible. I thought my flight instinct had a kung fu grip on my fight instinct (which is wildly ironic). So what was I doing telling multiple drunkards to STFU? Did I grow up or something? I'm sure it sounds like I'm bragging, but I swear that's not my intention. I'm genuinely confused. I don't act like that. Maybe the Bond movie (highly recommended) inspired me to be more pro-active in dangerous situations. Sadly, I'm serious. I dunno. Where was I?

(End incoherent rambling. Commence rapid fire aka coherent rambling)

If the Dolphins are ever the last NFL team to lose, do the '72 Dolphins still celebrate?

John Smoltz went from starter to closer to avoid injuries. Jon Papelbon is now going from closer to starter for the same reason. Maybe its just a change of pace thing.

How strange (or ironically appropriate) is it that Brett Favre's back-up couldn't go half an hour of playing football without breaking his foot and being done for the season.

The Reds' signing of Alex Gonzalez means, come April, Boston will have had five different starting shortstop in four seasons (others being Nomar, Cabrera, and Edgar).

I will be airborne in several hours. Obviously, I'm eschewing sleeping for tonight. Maybe I'll lie down for half an hour, but that's it.

I won my fantasy baseball league, I'm currently 2nd of 12 in my fantasy basketball league, I'm currently first in my fantasy football league, and I'm currently 1st and 2nd in my fantasy hockey league. (See, now I'm bragging).

Rapid Fire - 11/15

The deadline for my Legal Methods memo was pushed back by two days to Wednesday. Now I won't have thoughts of "...but my memo!" running through my head while I'm catching up with old friends this weekend.

The GOP leaders have learned nothing, apparently. First they had perfect candidate Michael Steele waiting in the wings to be RNC chairman, who would lead the charge of bringing back conservative values to the Republican Party... and they hire weak-on-immigration Mel Martinez instead. Now we're dusting off Trent Lott to be Senate minority whip? UGH! We need FRESH CONSERVATIVE FACES. Not has-beens and RINOs! Sigh.... so, how's that Constitution Party looking these days?

I like Wake's basketball team. I didn't say they're going to be very good, I just like them. Ish "The Dish" Smith looks like the real deal, Fear the Viss is in full effect, and L.D. Williams can jump out of the building. This team's also shown some resiliency, coming back to win from double digit deficits in their first two games. And please don't scoff at Bucknell taking us to overtime; they're a Patriot League giant killer, playing in their building, in maybe the biggest game of their season. It was a good win.



That's all I got today folks. I've been working non-stop on this memo and havn't had much time for extra curricular thinking. So with the memo and my trip to Winston-Salem, don't expect any updates until at least Monday.

Wake Forest 30, Florida State 0

What am I supposed to say here? Florida State hasn't been shut out at home since the 70's. Wake hasn't beaten FSU since the 50's. Wake actually benched their starters with 7 minutes left in the 4th quarter because we were blowing them out. ABC cut away from the game because we were so much better than them that it became boring. WAKE FOREST WAS BEATING FLORIDA STATE SO BAD IT BECAME A JOKE.

My brain lacks the proper processing power to properly compound this plethora of apparent impossibilities. Kung Pow!

But wait there's more! Wake Forest has never won 9 games in the regular season and there's still 2 games left. We actually have the chance to win THIRTEEN GAMES (VT, at MD, ACC championship, bowl). The Virginia Tech game will be 3rd straight game that is arguably the biggest regular season game in Wake Forest history. If we win that, at Maryland will be the fourth straight "biggest game ever."

This is insanity. Nothing makes sense anymore. Up is down, bad is good... Wake is good. Not just good. Very good. Approaching great.

Hell itself will not stop me from being in Groves Stadium on Saturday. Mark my words. I. Will. Be. There.

Happy Armistice Day

With that in mind, I implore you to watch these two videos, which show that the military can be, well, fun.





And while I have you in a video watching mood, I might as well link you to the Spider-Man 3 trailer. I am so there.

At Least We Get The Ball Back?

Some positives from yesterday's GOP bloodbath...

• Mike Pence will probably be the next House minority leader. He's a small government, Reagen conservative - qualities Bush (and many GOP leaders) have abandoned. I'd love to see him run for President in '08. He'd get my vote. Oh, and he doesn't look like Dennis Hastert.
  
• Since WWII, the party of the incumbent President has typically lost more than 30 seats in the House of Representatives and six seats in the Senate during the second midterm. So, this is somewhat expected due to the Six Year Itch Theory.
• Statutes that kept marriages marriages won approval in 3 states.
• Ultra-liberal "Republican" Lincoln Chafee got the boot.
• I figured out a way to watch Fox News on my computer.
  

Yeah, that's kinda it folks. Hopefully, yesterday will show Republicans the need to a) put true conservatives back into leadership positions, and b) get back to basics: small government, low taxes, free markets, strong national defense, judicial restraint.

You Know What I Don't Get? Newspaper Endorsements.

In this era when phrases like "liberal bias" and "right-wing conspiracy" are continually hurled across the political landscape, one would think any media outlet would be extra careful about it's coverage by at least pretending to be balanced. One would think they'd, in the least, mount their high horse and declare themselves orators of objectivity.*

But no. Many newspapers just out-and-out say "Hey, we like this politician," which is in essence the same as saying "Hey, we think this way politically." We hear it year after year. The New York Times endorses Kerry, the New York Post endorses Bush, and it's just accepted as a fact of life.

Am I the only one confounded by a seeming contradiction? Are the Internets not filled with disgruntled bloggers bemoaning how CNN is liberal, Fox News is conservative, and MSNBC is just retarded? Would they not have a field day if James Earl Jones's disembodied voiced declared: "This is CNN. We endorse Claire McCaskill." Would CNN not then be declared an absolute joke of a network? Well how come newspapers get a free pass on this?

Furthermore, would it then be totally hypocritical if Locke & Load endorsed Michael Steele, just cause his political positions frighteningly mirror my own? Yes? Darn.

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*my Legal Methods prof said to get rid of "flowery language" in my memos. You think this is what she had in mind? :-P

Wake Forest / Boston College Running Blog

Good showing at Groves. The stands look filled, and the new artificial grass looks great as always. I've got my old Desmond Clark (now Nate Morton) #83 jersey on and ready to go.
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We're running all over them so far. The secret must be sending out Riley Skinner as a lead blocker - he never even blocks anyone, they just run away from him and Wake gets 15 yards. Case in point: TD Wake!
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Coming back from a commercial, they showed some display cases of WF athletic history - Len Chappell, Tim Duncan, etc. I passed by those displays when I worked for the Deacon Club - they're right outside their offices.
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Gattis lets an easy interception tumble out of his hands - but Wake gets the same field possession from the following punt. Matt Ryan seems to be a little off so far.
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So much for Ryan being off, he's starting to pick us apart. Yep, a too-easy TD pass from Ryan. Dude was wide open. At least we can still stop the run.
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I talked to Brian earlier today, he said he and Bear spoke to my parents and brother at Black & Gold scrimmage. I didn't even know they were going. Am I a bad son?
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Skinner is cruising like always. And I'm glad to see Lobo finally open up the offense for him. I wanna see what this kid can do. Ugh, which is apparently miss an open Moore that could have gone for 6. C'mon Riley.
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I looked up our sideline reporter Dr. Jerry Punch on Wiki to see what he's a doctor of. As it turns out, he's a full fledged MD. Not only that, he got it from Wake Med. Apparently he worked as a emergency room physician before he became a NASCAR pit reporter. Go figure.
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WIDE OPEN Nate Morton and a PERFECT throw from Skinner for 6! Oh here's to Wake Forest...
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WAKE!
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FOREST!
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WAKE!
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FOREST!
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Heavens... has Ryan thrown an incomplete pass since the first drive? They're throwing at will.
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3rd and 13... stop them Deacs! YES! INT GATTIS! Take that Ryan! And your pansy ankle too!
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According to ESPN2's graphic, we're playing Duke again next week. Awesome.
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Halftime! *slams head* [/Ace Ventura]
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"Wake Forest University: Small. Big. Tall." That's the best slogan we could come up with?
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And... we're back. And Ryan's back to picking our D apart.
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I'm grilling some chicken on my new electric skillet (thanks Mom!). I feel like I'm tailgating, only during the game.... and 500 miles away.
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BC 4th and tennnn..... YES! Stopped'em just shy. Wow. OK Riley let's blow this thing wide open.
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How bad of an actress is Jessica Simpson? She's from Texas, but her southern accent still sounds fake in those Direct TV commercials.
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KEVIN FREAKING MARION!!!! EIGHTY YARD TD REVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You gotta give it up for Kenny Moore. He was our best wide-out coming into the game, switched to half-back because of injury, and has just done a stellar job running the ball. He even had the final block on Kevin Marion's behemoth of a reverse.
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And now Nate Morton's tearing up the joint. Perfect form, just catching everything in sight. And did you know he was a quarterback in high school? I've never heard that before!
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They showed a graphic of what happened in 1944 (the last time Wake was 8-1). They left off my dad being three and my mom being an embryo.
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Aw, jeez, here comes that Ryan kid again. 1st and goal BC... not liking this.
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HUGE stop on 3rd and goal. If you're BC, do you go for it? Well, they are, annnnnnd they got it. Argh.
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Start of the 4th quarter... hold up your five fingers for Luke Abbate.
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I still don't understand the Best Buy commercial where the wife promises her husband to watch football *only* on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Thursday; aka the only days football is even on. It's completely nonsensical on so many levels. Will there ever be an explanation for this?
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Oh no... Wake fumble. Now BC has the ball close to the end-zone. I'm starting to feel ill. Under review. Please overturn... please overturn... PLEASE OVERTURN!!!
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YES!!! Overturned. There's a tornado warning flashing across the screen because all of Winston-Salem just exhaled.
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C'mon Wake. We just got a huge, possibly erroneous, gift. We need to stop them on this drive! A sack helps. Thank you, Mr. Tucker.
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And AGAIN Ryan is shredding us. Not just with his arm, but he's scrambling too! The guys got a bum ankle! WHAT ARE WE DOING? Oh no, Abbate's down. Repeat: Abbate's down! Send in the Marines! We need help! Panic!
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Big third down stop, annnnnnd... field goal missed! Yes!
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Riley Skinner came in with one interception, now he has two just in this game. Guess it comes with the territory of more open play-calling. Now we have to deal with the Ryan kid again. Not good. Is Abbate back yet?
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BC has completely given up on running the ball. Not that I blame them. OHHH! As I wrote that, they actually did run the ball, fumbled, AND NOW IT'S WAKE BALL!!! I LOVE IRONY!!!
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Great, we killed maybe 20 seconds off the clock with that possession. Ball back to BC at their 26, 3:42 left, 21-14 Wake Forest. I am officially nervous. Hold me.
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Naturally, Ryan goes right back to shredding our D apart. This is painful to watch. I'm starting to see a pattern: we either pressure Ryan and get a sack / Ryan throws it away, or we don't pressure Ryan and he completes it 15 yards down the field.
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One minute left.... Ryan goes long.... PATRICK GHEE INTERCEPTION IN THE END ZONE I LOVE YOU PLEASE HAVE MY BABIES OK I TAKE THAT BACK IT DIDN'T REALLY MAKE SENSE ANYWAY BUT YOU'RE STILL THE MAN PATRICK GHEE!!!!!!!!!
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Ok, listen Wake. Hold on to that football. Run the clock. We got this.
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YES!!! WAKE WINS!!!!!
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Aww, the kids are storming the field. Can I call students "kids" now that I've graduated? What am I talking about, I called them kids when I was a student.
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OK, now that I've stopped crawling up the walls... that was huge. We're 8-1 for the first time since 1944, we control our own destiny towards the ACC championship game, and now we head down to Florida State whom we've NEVER beaten. Just an amazing win. Maybe the biggest regular season win in the history of Wake football. I'm in awe. I wish I could have been there (stupid law school). I just... I don't even know what to say. Go Deacs. GO FRIGGIN DEACS.
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Mom called from the parking lot at Groves. I guess you could say she was laughing hysterically. Can you blame the woman?

So... This Game Is Pretty Huge

The last time a top 25 Wake Forest team hosted another top 25 team was in 1979, when #18 Wake beat #13 Auburn 42-38.

That was also the last time Wake Forest beat another ranked team.

If we win today, it'll be the first time Wake was 8-1 since 1944.

The winner of today's game will be first in the ACC Atlantic and control it's own destiny toward the ACC Championship game.

Needless to say, this is could be the biggest regular season game in Wake Forest history, and I've never regretted being 500 miles away from home more than today. You have no idea how much I wanted to drive down to Groves this weekend. But it would have been law school suicide. Ugh. Stupid education getting in the way of football.

So, 7pm. ESPN2 or, preferably, Groves Stadium. BE THERE, WAKE FANS. BE THERE.

GO DEACS!!!!


O here's to Wake Forest
A glass of the finest Red ruddy,
Rhenish filled up to the brim.
Her sons they are many
Unrivaled by any
With hearts o'erflowing, we will sing a hymn.

Rah! Rah! Wake Forest Rah!
Old Alma Mater's sons are we.
We'll herald the story
And die for her glory,
Old Gold and Black is ever waving high.

As frosh we adore her
As sophs we explore her
And carve our names upon her ancient walls.
As juniors patrol her
As seniors extol her
And weep to leave fore'er her sacred halls.

I Wrote Most of This During My Torts Class.

This is months behind in relevancy, but I'm going to explain (or try to) why USA basketball has been struggling in international games. This is completely devoid of humor or anything interesting if you don't like the NBA. Oops.

We heard after the disappointing bronze medal in the 2004 Olympics that USA basketball was going to "get serious" about winning and stop just throwing together a team of random All-Stars. We heard guys like Bruce Bowen would be the focus. So what'd we do different for this summer's world championships? Bowen, the supposed signature player of our new attitude, was cut from the team and we just threw together a bunch of random All-Stars like always.

With that in mind I'm going to put together a roster that truly is designed for the international game. But first, here's a few points about the international game and why its so difficult for Americans to thrive in.

Why Our Wing Players Struggle. The prevailing international style of defense is to play a zone. This means that the slashing and cutting toward the basket that the American game thrives on - think Dwayne Wade and LeBron James - is much less effective. You simply can't consistently beat your man off the dribble and drive to the basket uncontested. Not against the typical Euro Zone.

Instead, you have to be able to shoot over the zone. This does NOT mean only lobbying up 3's; it means taking high-percentage, mid-range jump shots. That's why Americans - despite having the most talent - have fallen short in international tournaments. American ball no longer revolves around the mid-range jumper - everything is either a 3-pointer or a lay-up. Remember Michael Jordan? He made his career on the mid-range pull-up jump shot. Look at all his game-winners - what Jordan went to went he really needed it. Mid-range jumper after mid-range jumper. Same thing with Bird.

But, ironically, that's not what made Jordan popular. His unprecedented popularity ultimately came from his flash: the dunking, the fancy lay-ups, the crossovers. After all, this isn't a silhouette of a jump shot. So the kids watching Jordan - who are now this generation of NBA players - built their games toward being looking like Mike, or at least the flashy side of him. Therefore, the American game now revolves around either cutting to the basket or shooting from behind the 3-point line. The mid-range jump shot - the one thing that can tear any zone defense apart - is now a rare talent for American players.

Why Our Big Men Struggle. This is much simpler and to the point. The wider paint of international rules doesn't allow guys like Shaq or Amare Stoudemire to post up close to the basket. For these guys - and most American centers and power forwards - the farther you're away from the basket, the less effective you become. Duncan is actually extremely effective outside the paint, but he struggles internationally because the team basically ignores him (they're too busy failing to get a lay-up).

So how do we overcome this? Obviously, we need wing players who can break down a zone and big men who are effective away from the paint.

PG - Chris Paul. Point guards are essential to breaking down a zone because they have to set up the mid-range jumper. Steve Nash is actually the ideal international guard - an incredible passer who happens to also be the best mid-range shooter in the league. But he's Canadian. So instead we'll go with Paul, who's going to soon pass Jason Kidd and Chauncey Billups as the best American point guard, if he hasn't already. Also, Paul's already proven he can play internationally - in the 2006 world championships he averaged (in limited minutes) 5 assists, 2 steals and just 1 turnover.

SG - Richard Hamilton. The best (American) mid-range shooter in the game. Also the best (among anyone) at moving without the ball, rolling off screens and the quick catch-and-shoot. He is perfect to break a zone. So, naturally, he wasn't even invited to the USA training camp.

SF - Bruce Bowen. The best perimeter defender in the league, ideal for shutting down the other team's hot shooter. Just ask Kobe. Of course, as I mentioned before, he didn't make the final roster for the championships. Unreal.

PF - Lamar Odom and C - Brad Miller. Probably the two best passers in the NBA who are at least 6'10. Both of them averaged around 5 assists per game last season. They can also step back and drain 3's, so the wider paint won't affect them. Great passing + good shooting range = the perfect international front court.

Bench players - Shane Battier, Kirk Heinrich, Antwan Jamison, Michael Redd, Luke Ridnour and any two centers that don't completely suck.

Well, there you have it. Thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully I'll have something more interesting next time.

L&L NBA Preview or: Something That Has Nothing To Do With Halloween. Sorry.

First I'll give a long and boring summary of my NBA allegiance (and a potential moral dilemma therein) and then give a completely useless preview of the Spurs' season.

My NBA team is the Spurs. Just like Trot drew me to the Red Sox, Wake Forest's own Tim Duncan drew me to the Spurs, but to an even greater degree. I already had an inkling for the Red Sox before I learned about Trot; Nomar and Pedro were interesting players and even the whole "curse" angle was appealing in an underdog kind of way. It was different for basketball. Duncan was the only reason I became a Spurs fan - it was quite literally an extension of my unflinching loyalty to Wake Forest.

What scares me is this - I don't want to be that guy who isn't really loyal to a team. See, if Timmy was ever traded or signed elsewhere, I'd be in a crisis. Does my allegiance follow Duncan, or do I stay with the Spurs? The latter seems like the "right" thing to do in terms of fandom morality (and I am a big fan of Parker and Ginobili), but I can't help but feel the former would be my natural inclination. What happens when the Spurs play Timmy's hypothetical new team? Am I really going to root against Tim Duncan? Am I even capable of doing such? I wish I had a nice resolution here, but I don't. I just hope Duncan stays with Spurs until he retires (or at least gets really old) so push and shove can stay very much apart.*

Now to my useless preview, which is actually just some random thoughts about individual players.

Tim Duncan's numbers have been in a steady decline since the '01-'02 season. And I mean virtually all his numbers. Minutes, points, rebounds, blocks, field goal percentage, assists... This is really starting to concern me. I don't like my favorite player getting a little worse every... single... season. But the decline has to stop somewhere, right? Right?

Manu Ginobili is occasionally unstoppable. If you're lucky to catch one of those games on TV, it really is a sight to behold. There is no (and I mean no) more fascinating player to watch than Manu when he's got it going. The problem, of course, is that this only happens a few games a season. There are too many games where Manu contributes next to nothing.

Tony Parker was actually the leading scorer for Spurs last year (see Timmy's decline). I love his signature "teardrop" move - dashing down the middle of the court, casually tossing the ball up in a high arch as he falls forward in the paint. God, I just love it. It's like something out a video game - where you do this one move over and over again and it just keeps working, and the guy you're playing with eventually throws his controller across the room. I can't help but think opposing point guards sometimes feel like throwing their controllers when playing the Spurs.

Bruce Bowen bugs the hell out of everyone on defense. Kobe always gets so furious at him; I love it.

The Knicks were dumb to let Jackie Butler go, but we shouldn't be surprised by that. Let this guy play 30 minutes a game and he'll be a double-double threat, which is exactly what the Spurs need from whoever plays next to Duncan. I also like the Matt Bonner acquisition, as I'm a fan of big men who can knock down the three. He'll likely be a great compliment to Tim's game by drawing defenders away from the post.

Alright, I pretty much maxed out my NBA knowledge for today. I've already half-way written another article about why American basketball teams struggle in international tournaments, so I should have that up in the next couple of days.

------------------------------
*OK, so that didn't make sense.

Hey, here's something about Halloween - watch Conan's "skelevision" special tonight. The whole show - and I do mean all of it - will look like this...

Awwwwwww yeah.

One Hundred and Ten Days Until Pitchers and Catchers Report

But who's counting? Oh, right, I am. Anyway, congrats to the Cards and to the man who ensures I don't feel like I'm blogging to myself around here, Phantom, who knows the Cards won it all cuz he was freakin' there. I'm not even jealous about it; it's just awesome.

A few notes from the final game...

• Chris Duncan: yeesh. Learn how to catch, bro. Though you did do a nice job catching La Russa after Inge struck out. Work from there.
  
• This was the first time the World Series champions have won it at home since 2002.
• Bud Selig: still an idiot. Eck-STEIN. Not steen, STEIN.
• I formally move to declare David Eckstein officially not overlooked, effective now until the end of time. Two time All-Star, World Series MVP, article after article after article after article written about him, with more sure to come. I repeat: NOT. OVER. LOOKED.
  
• I'm still baffled at where Yadier Molina came from.
• Adam Wainwright: yeah, I think he can be a big league closer.
• It's only a matter of time before some snobby a-hole sportswriter (probably from New York, probably tomorrow morning) writes an article titled: "Worst Champions Ever?" I hate those. Stop trying to bring other people down just because you're jealous.
  
• Same deal with those who talk about low TV ratings as if that makes a championship less important. I know what it's like because it's brought up every time the Spurs win the finals. You're jealous, just accept it, and shut up.
• For the third year in a row, the favorite team of a member of the esteemed Polo 414 townhouse has won the World Series. Tyler's Braves will clearly win it all next year- they're the only team left.
  

I think that's all. Hey, Conan's almost on.

--------------------------------

Update on points 7 and 8: Sadly, I was right on the money. But it's not from an editorial, it's from the freaking AP article...

No Fall Classic, for sure.

Flatter than the Midwestern heartland and a flop in the TV ratings, this World Series crowned a champion that barely made it to the postseason and then had to survive rain and cold as much as the bumbling Detroit Tigers.

Unbelievable.

Second Update: this guy writes an article titled "St. Louis is best of the worst" even though the point he tries to make is that they're the worst of the best. Nice work, douche.

Rapid Fire - 10/27

For some reason, northern Delaware will be getting the St. Louis / San Diego game.

Pressure's on, Phantom. Bring it home.

"Dart players guide their darts, pitchers throw baseballs." - Tim McCarver during Game 4. Kill me now.

See, this is why people hate athletes. They actually get upset about being paid $13 million. There are very few jobs in this world I wouldn't do for 13 mill. Playing first base for a few months is not one of them. Although, to be fair, playing for the Yankees is.

I'm at a loss to explain this. Bochy has managed the Padres for the past eleven years, and had a year left on his contract. Then he just moves up state to manage a rival?

Do not, under any circumstances, buy the mushroom crispani "pizza" from Panera. It's not even a pizza. It's just parmesan cheese on bread. No tomato sauce. I can't emphasize this enough - if it don't got tomato sauce, it ain't a pizza. And the mushrooms? Bleh. Nearly unchewable. Just an awful dish.

Very interesting looking trailer for 300. Too bad Tom Cruise had to ruin the ending in The Last Samurai.

I'm out of rum again. What can I say, it's very tasty with my orange juice.

The Great White Hype

The Internets are rightfully up in arms over MLB's Look Again Player of the Year. You don't have to look too hard at the list of nominees to understand why. They're all white. Well, 30 of 32 anyway. That's 93%, where the actual percent of players who are white is closer to 60%.

It's supposed to be awarding the "role players who sacrifice for their team in often unrecognized effort." It's a pretty sad perpetuance of the "white players are scrappy, latino players are fiery, asian players are smart and black players are athletic" stereotype that nearly every announcer and sports writer has been guilty of at some point. As you'd expect, it was everywhere during the World Baseball Classic. Cuba was "emotional" and "energetic," Japan was "smart" and "methodical."

"Boy, are we some fiery Latinos! ¡Ay, caramba!"

"Shh... I'm trying to calculate the exact speed and trajectory needed for my physics defying gyro ball."

Anyway, back to the award. The leader so far is, of course, David Ecsketin, the underrated scrappy white guy du-jour. What's interesting is this: Eckstein might be the least deserving of all of these players. Not that he sucks or anything, quite the opposite. It's supposed to be for "role players" and "unrecognized effort," right? Well, first, I don't think a shortstop and lead-off hitter can be categorized as a "role" player. Secondly and more importantly, Eckstein's been an All-Star the past two years. He even won the now-defunct Babe Ruth Award for best player in the World Series. In what possible way has he gone even remotely unrecognized?

Equally undeserving is Garret Atkins. Look at his line: .329/29/120/117. That's a role player? That's a best player!

In sum: not only is this "award" borderline racist, it can't even abide by it's own standards.

24 Trailer Countdown

Thirteen and a half hours to go...

Oh, remember the Satchel of Justice?

But of course you do. Yeah, apparently the good people at Fox have decided to satisfy the foundation of my hierarchy of needs and started selling replicas. And I am buying one.

Hey, Kenny: don't bring that weak crap up in hurrr.*

Obviously, not talking about his performance. I am talking about how his pitching hand was covered in pine tar in the 1st inning. Oh, right, it was dirt.

"It was a big clump of dirt," Rogers said after the game. "I didn't know it was there. They told me about, but it was no big deal."

Sure, Kenny. It's perfectly reasonable that a pitcher starting Game 2 of the World Series doesn't notice his pitching hand is covered with dirt. Dirt that looks exactly like pine tar. Pine tar which should have gotten you thrown out and suspended for the series.

After the substance was noticed, ESPN reviewed tapes of Rogers' pitching performances earlier in the postseason. The tapes revealed that, in starts against both the Yankees and Athletics, a similar-looking brown substance was spotted on Rogers' hand.

Wait, lemmie guess. Your pre-game routine involves gardening. Sorry, for some reason I thought you were obviously cheating.

---------------------------------
*note the use of the Nelly "Mizzurrah"** accent.
**you know, phonetically spelled out like that, it looks Yiddish. Awesome.

Well That Went Just About As Well As You Could Have Hoped

That was more important than your typical World Series Game 1 victory.

• The Cardinals' worst starter out-dueled the Tigers' best. Detroit's rotation is now less of an obstacle.
  
• The Cardinals took away home field advantage.
• Scott Rolen, Jim Edmonds and Albert Pujols all looked strong. If these three get rolling at the same time, that's one deadly line-up.
• La Russa finally figured out how to write "S. Taguchi" on the line-up card.
  
• St. Louis' bullpen (save Looper) all got another day of rest, catching up with the Tigers' week off.

Although...

• Pujols' lower lip is officially freaking me out. What's going on there? Is that an STD? You best be keeping your pants on, Albert.

OJ Simpson Getting Paid $3.5 million to "Confess"

O.J. Simpson to confess — hypothetically — in a new book called "If I Did It."

Ok Tom, breathe. There's no reason to get worked up about this. Ok, just... just put down the hole puncher. Throwing things won't help... here we go. We're calming down. Inhale. Exhale. There we go. No, no put down the lighter! Tom!

/lights self on fire

You're right. This feels much better.

Isiah Thomas... where do I even start?

Just finished reading this article. It's about Isiah Thomas "responding" to criticism. And by "responding" I mean acting like an insecure whiny little baby. To what I'm sure is your infinite gratitude, I'm going to dissect his quotes, ala Fire Joe Morgan.

"This so-called former Knick (ESPN analyst Greg Anthony), on draft night with millions of people watching, had the audacity to take me to task on a player that I'm pretty sure he had never seen before in his life (Renaldo Balkman)," Thomas said.

Anthony seems like a smart guy, and I'm sure he knew something of Balkman. He was, after all, covering a draft - you have to prepare for that. You can't just BS your way through it like you can a game; if you're unprepared for a draft, which is 95% actual analysis, it's going to get real apparent real fast. But let's go with what Isiah said and suppose he didn't know the first thing about Balkman. Don't you, Mr. Thomas, think it a bit odd that you're selecting players in the first round that draft analysts have never even heard of before?

"Greg Anthony should never ever be in a position to question myself on anything about basketball," Thomas said.

Um, EVERYONE is in a position to question you about basketball. May I remind you, Mr. Thomas, that you were the GM who put Stephon Marbury and Steve Francis in the same back court?! Anyone who knows the slightest thing about basketball can tell you the dangers of a ball-hogging point guard. So what do you do? YOU ACTUALLY PUT THE TWO MOST BALL-HOGGING POINT GUARDS IN THE LEAGUE ON THE SAME TEAM. Both of them!!! I can't emphasize this enough - putting Francis and Marbury on the same team might be the dumbest roster move in the history of sports. Not only because it failed miserably, but everyone knew it would fail miserably from the very beginning. I can remember Bill Simmons joking that Isiah would trade for Francis - and then Isiah went out and actually did it, like some sort of weird retroactive self-parody.

Not to mention how Isiah, in his first and only two years owning the CBA, bankrupted and utterly drove to the ground a league which had been around since 1946. So what did he do on the heels of such a spectacular failure? HE WROTE A FREAKING BOOK ON HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS. Just kill me now.

"This is between Greg and I."

Which is why you're talking to the media about it. And, oh where was it? Ah, here:

He said he hadn't spoken to Anthony.

That makes sense.

Thomas, seen here pondering whether to acquire Greg Ostertag. To play guard.

"I just thought he was very unfair to the Knicks organization," Thomas said. "It would be different had he not worn a Knick uniform. But for a guy who claims to have been a Knick, to treat the Knicks the way he treated us that night ..."

Greg Anthony was a Knick for four seasons, the last of which was in 1995. This is like calling out Jerome Bettis for criticizing the Rams (yes, he played for the Rams, but no one remembers, which is exactly my point). And if anything, players-turned-analysts lose their credibility when they don't criticize their former teams. We have enough homerism in the media as it is.

"I know a Piston would never do that. A Celtic would never do that. A Laker would never do that. It wouldn't happen. It just goes to show you what we're dealing with."

I... what? We're stereotyping NBA teams now? If the Celtics use their first rounder on a toaster oven, is Bill Walton under solemn duty to keep quiet? Or is it only if he's never seen the toaster oven in action?

Ugh, I'm too tired to do the rest. It goes on to mention how Isiah continued to insult Anthony even when asked unrelated questions. The fact that a man of his age could be this immature is, to be honest, frightening. And it all started because Anthony rightfully criticized the complete waste of a first round pick. I remember watching the broadcast- he wasn't even ripping on Balkman. He, along with the rest of the known universe, was questioning why Isiah simply didn't wait on Balkman. He's a second-round talent, so use a second round pick on him. Not. That. Difficult.

/screams in futility

Rapid Fire - 10/15

While walking into The Charcoal Pit, I heard this 7-ish year-old boy say plainly to his mother, "I feel bad for old people." Empathy is so cute at that age.

There's a snow ski rental shop in town which sign reads: "Gone water skiing. Be back in November." It's not even that funny, but I laugh every time I see it.

I officially cannot figure out the Steelers. I haven't picked their game correctly since Week 1.

I bought Season 1 of Battlestar Galactica (the "re-imagined" Sci-Fi Channel version) even though I've never watched any of the series before. Why? I liked the concept - it takes place in a sister galaxy (as in, these guys aren't from Earth) where evil robots from space nuke all twelve human planets, reducing the entire population to a space caravan of the Galactica and several civilian ships. Plus, actress Grace Park is not an unattractive lady.

So far it's like 24 in space. They battle the odds, fight the Cylons (the evil robots), solve crisises on large and small scales, the military squabbles with politicians, you never know which characters to trust (the Cylons can look human! gasp!), stuff like that. Sadly, there's no Jack Bauer-ish uber protagonist that the whole audience can get behind. Also, it's annoying how the Cylons seemingly steal lines from Christian sermons - urging the humans to repent from their sins and accept the love and grace of a one-true god* - all while killing literally billions of people without so much as a warning. I guess they're going for moral ambiguity - who knows. I still like the show despite it's use of religion. Anyway, it you like some good Sci-Fi drama, check BSG out.

Should the Saints switch Reggie Bush to wideout? Maybe it's too early, but the way he's struggled running the ball but excelled in catching it - it makes you wonder.

Not a big fan of the Bronco's all-blue look. They look like 250-pound blueberry popscilces. With a hint of orange, of course.

I bought Mere Christianity the other day on a whim. Maybe I subconsciously wanted to balance out my heathen TV show, or maybe I was tired of reading endless legal cases. Either way, I'm very much enjoying Lewis's writing, especially his way of putting things in a way that I - and I'm sure many other Christians - always knew to be true but could never quite correctly express.

Adam Dunn might be available. If the Red Sox somehow trade for him, I will personally drive to Boston and hug Theo Epstein. Or at least think about it. Although it's probably just another sportswriter obsessing over strikeouts and batting average - completely ignoring how Dunn is a gives you a .380 OBP and 40+ home runs, something only a select few players can achieve.

Hey, remember when I put pictures in these posts? Yeah, those were the days.


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*FYI, virtually the only difference between the BSG culture and our own, besides the advanced technology, is that the predominant human religion is some weird polytheistic mix between Greek mythology and Mormonism. The original series was created by a Mormon, so I guess that has something to do with it.

Baseball Analysis Analysis

I just head a genuinely surprised Tim McCarver say: "how often do you hear a crowd pick up on a balk?" Now, I've been to over a dozen MLB games, and if the opposing pitcher does anything remotely close to a balk, you'll probably hear people shouting for the ump to call it. This happens all the time. But then again, this is Tim McCarver, so I was silly to hold him to any standard of general baseball knowledge. This is the guy who complains about Jason Giambi "clogging the bases" by drawing walks. You got that, kids? Not getting out is bad.

And now that I've ripped into an announcer, I shall come to the defense of one. From this AP article:

In the second inning of Friday's game between Detroit and Oakland, Piniella talked about the success light-hitting A's infielder Marco Scutaro had in the first round of the playoffs. Piniella said that slugger Frank Thomas and Eric Chavez needed to contribute, comparing Scutaro's production to finding a "wallet on Friday" and hoping it happened again the next week.

Later, Piniella said the A's needed Thomas to get "en fuego" - hot in Spanish - because he was currently "frio" - or cold. After Brennaman praised Piniella for being bilingual, Lyons spoke up.

Lyons said that Piniella was "hablaing Espanol" - butchering the conjugation for the word "to speak" - and added, "I still can't find my wallet."

"I don't understand him, and I don't want to sit too close to him now," Lyons continued.

Fox executives told Lyons after the game he had been fired.

So, in essence, Piniella was talking about missing wallets, then later he spoke some Spanish. Lyons goes for some humor by saying "First I'm afraid of of Lou pickpocketing me and now I can't even understand him." And that's offensive enough as to get one fired. What a joke. There is literally nothing wrong about what Lyons said. In fact, the only thing offensive or racist about all this are the Fox people who are actually creating a connection between Hispanics and petty theft, a stereotype of which I've never even heard.

And would someone PLEASE tell Fox that I do not care about Jeff Suppan's favorite food, or Todd Jones' favorite hobby, or what David Wright is currently reading. This is not the Little League World Series!

The Evolution of Facial Hair

For the past seven weeks, I've been letting my facial hair do whatever it wanted. I was simply curious as to what would happen. Lately though, it got really itchy, so I decided it's time had come - but not before I try out some new facial hair looks. And now you have the unfortunate honor of observing the results.

First, the au-naturale. To my disappointment, my beard stops growing outward at about two weeks. After that, it kind of stays close to my face, making the beard thicker, but not necessarily longer. I fluffed it out a bit for that picture, so it didn't usually look that bad.

Next, the rock star. Over sized sideburns, over sized goatee. Great way to fit in at a heavy metal concert. Or prison.

Moving along, your standard goatee. Popular among scientists, evil twins, computer nerds and mid-life crisisers. Notice how I'm finally able to "connect" my goatee and 'stache, but only barely. This caused me to look like someone, but I'm not sure who. The Half-Life guy, maybe?

Now to the Van Dyke. No self-respecting pirate, Frenchman or Civil War veteran can do without it.

I forgot to do an Almeida / Speizio. I'm sure you're heartbroken.

And then I'm all cleaned up.

Due to logistical constraints, I wasn't able to try out the Lincoln, fu manchu, Wolverine or Hinske, the last of which seemingly every member of the Oakland Athletics is sporting.

Consider yourself enlightened.

Rapid Fire

I have the "What Did I Get Myself Into?" series, and I'm trying to expand on that idea. With that in mind, I'm debuting "Rapid Fire," where I make some quick points about a few topics that don't really warrant an entire post.

Joe Torre Getting Canned (Maybe) - Is it just me, or does the more talent the Yankees get, the less successful they become? The so-called Best Lineup Ever went down in flames when facing a few quality pitchers in a row. Is this Torre's fault, or can there be such a thing as too much talent? Did it create so much ego and so much expectations that any team - no matter the manager - would collapse in on itself? I'm not sure, but the Yankees* certainly make it seem that way. At any rate, they're idiots if they hire Lou Pinella, especially with Joe Girardi on the market.

You know that Nissan commercial where a guy is frightened from being in a too-small car? There's a little warning at the bottom that says "Dramatization. Do not attempt." Gee, thanks. I'll make sure to cross off "claustrophobia" from my to-do list.

The Tigers spraying their fans with champagne last night was the coolest sports celebration I've ever seen. It makes me wonder what would've happened had Boston won it all in Fenway. My guess is the entire park collapsing under the weight of 35,000+ people jumping at once.

Does "The Quarter" now become common lexicon among disgruntled Wake Forest football fans?

A-Rod getting traded would probably be better for everyone involved. Whether he deserves it or not, all of New York hates him and no one on his own team will even stand up for him (so much for Jeter being the ultimate leader). His contract actually isn't that bad anymore - he's owed $64 million for the next 4 years. At any rate, he still has his no trade clause, so if he's adamant about proving himself in New York he's not going anywhere.

You know that Best Buy commercial where the wife promises to her husband that she will watch football only on Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, and sometimes Thursdays? That makes literally no sense. A) there is no other time to watch football on TV and B) even if there was, why would you make your wife promise not to watch?

One of the crappy things about living in Delaware is having to put up with two other states' political ads. God help us if New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Delaware all have seats open the same year.

If Babe Ruth and Jeff Bagwell weren't enough, I'm pretty sure this year proved the secret to success in baseball is leaving the Boston Red Sox. Anibal Sanchez** threw a no-hitter, Hanley Ramirez** might win Rookie of the Year, Cla Meredith*** pitched 33 straight scoreless innings, Josh Bard*** hit .338, and Freddy Sanchez**** won a batting title.

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*see also: USA Basketball; **traded for Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell this past off-season; **traded for Doug Mirabelli during the '06 season; ****traded for 63 innings of Jeff Suppan during the '03 season.

OK, Mr. Lasorda, What Do I Do Now?

While I'm happy as the next guy that the Yankees are out of the playoffs, I'm not here to write about that. Instead, I was set off by one of the guys on FOX (Steve Lyons maybe?) who said:

"And the bat, like Alex Rodriguez' psyche, lying shattered out there on the field."

Seriously, I hate defending A-Rod because he's a complete a-hole, but what is this all about. So what, he's gone like 10 postseason games in a row without an RBI. If you combine little 4 or 5 game stretches from various points in time, you can make ANY ballplayer look bad. It sucks for A-Rod that some of his bad points come from the past few playoff games, but guess what?

THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

Ortiz hit .191 in the '03 playoffs. Jeter batted a combined .195 in the 01, 03 and 04 ALCS's.

Does this make either of them any less of a player? NO. In fact, these guys are considered the two best clutch hitters in the AL. BUT SOMETIMES, THEY DON'T HIT THAT WELL. JUST LIKE A-ROD IS NOW. I repeat: IT HAPPENS.

Attn: All Baseball Analysts, Commentators and Broadcasters

Derek Jeter's career regular season averages: .317/.388/.463
Derek Jeter's career postseason averages: .307/.379/.463

Alex Rodriguez's career regular season averages: .305/.386/.573
Alex Rodriguez's career postseason averages: .305/.393/.534

Thank you. That is all.

O Brodeur, Where Art Thou?

Like I've mentioned a thousand times before, I don't have many channels here in my dormitory. I do have ESPN, so I watch that often. I probably watch SportsCenter twice a day, not because I particularly like it, but because relative to everything else that's on, it's pretty interesting.

Anyway, my point. Tonight is opening night for the NHL and I haven't seen, heard or read a WORD of it on ESPN. No preseason analysis, nothing on the bottom-line, no passing reference, nothing. If I didn't enjoy hockey the way I do, and thus looked into the upcoming season on the internet and by reading magazines, I would have absolutely no idea the NHL even existed.

What makes me angry about this is the suttle reason for it all: ESPN doesn't have the rights to any hockey games. That belongs to local affiliates and Versus, formally known as the Outdoor Life Network. So because ESPN won't benefit from any hyping of hockey, they've chosen to ignore it all together. Not only that, in my opinion it's an attempt to drive down the ratings of Versus, who are trying to become the (long-needed) competitor to ESPN, hockey being Versus' biggest asset in doing so. ESPN is figuring the less they talk about hockey, the less people will watch their competing networks.

Maybe this goes against the virtues of tried-and-true capitalism, but I simply don't like that ESPN has, in my opinion, chosen to ignore hockey so they can drive out competition. I know it's "only" hockey, but it's still a major sport. A sport that thousands of people still love and thousands more would love if more people talked about it. So gimme some God blessed hockey coverage!

Two Goodbyes

One to Trot:


I teared up looking at that picture. I still am.

*sniff* Oh, boy. Anyway, *ahem* ... my second goodbye is to the '06 season. I leave you with the words of former baseball commish Bart Giamatti:

"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops. Today, October 2, a Sunday of rain and broken branches and leaf-clogged drains and slick streets, it stopped, and summer was gone."

Trot Nixon's Last Stand

Well folks, this is it. My favorite baseball player of all time, the man who is responsible for me becoming a Red Sox fan, is today likely playing his last game in a Boston uniform. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why I admire him so much. I have an idea, but it's difficult to explain. I'll give it a try.

In a way, he's a 32-year old version of myself, had many of my boyhood aspirations come true. Like me, he was born and raised in North Carolina, played right field for baseball, is Christian, and even has the same height and approximate weight. And like I once or still admire to be, he's an amazing athlete - batted .512 with a 0.40 ERA during his senior year of high school, broke school passing records held by former NFL quarterbacks, and was the number 7 overall pick in the MLB draft; he's a strong Christian who doesn't hesitate to publicly profess his faith - something I still struggle with at times; and has a beautiful wife and child - something every guy dreams of.

So that got more personal that I originally intended. Still, it's the best I can do to explain why he's my favorite ball player - so much so that I'd devote much of my life to rabidly pulling for the team he played for. Suffice it to say if Trot had by some miracle attended Wake Forest we'd be in a borderline idol worship scenario.

For those of you unfamiliar with the heroic exploits of Mr. Nixon upon the baseball diamond, I turn to this recent post from the Red Sox blog Brownie Points.

"July 24, 1999 – The rookie right fielder puts his name on the map by belting three homers at Detroit in an 11-4 win over the Tigers.

May 28, 2000 – Nixon snaps scoreless tie in epic Pedro Martinez-Roger Clemens duel at Yankee Stadium by taking the latter deep for a two-run homer with two outs in the top of the ninth. Martinez goes the distance to earn the 2-0 win. The next night, the Red Sox return to Fenway and Nixon gets a huge ovation in his first at-bat.

Sept. 1, 2003 – A wild and emotional comeback struggle at Philadelphia finally goes in Boston’s favor when Nixon snaps a 9-9 tie with a grand slam in the top of the ninth.

October 4, 2003 – A loss in Game 3 to the A’s would have swept the Red Sox out of this best-of-five Division Series. Instead, Nixon belts a walkoff homer off Rich Harden in the bottom of the 11th, sparking the win, and, eventually, a series comeback in five games.

October 15, 2003 – Nixon jumps on a Gabe White pinch and launches two-run homer into the upper deck in right at Yankee Stadium in Game 6 of the ALCS, icing the 9-6 victory that forces Game 7. Of course, he also took Roger deep to give the Sox a solid start to Game 7 but we all know what happened after that.

October 18, 2004 –- Down 4-2 in Game 5 of the ALCS, red-hot Hideki Matsui steps to the plate with the bases loaded and hammers a laser toward right field. It could have been a series-icing two-run double. Instead, Nixon makes a sliding catch to get the Red Sox out of that top of the sixth inning. In the bottom of the eighth, Nixon belts a hit-and-run single to move Dave Roberts to third. Roberts scored on a game-tying sacrifice fly. The Red Sox beat the Yankees in 14 innings, and wind up becoming the first team in postseason history to rally back from 3-0.

October 27, 2004 – Nixon opens up some breathing room for Derek Lowe in Game 4 of the World Series, unloading on a 3-0 pitch for a two-run double, leading the Red Sox to a 3-0 win over the Cardinals, and the clinching victory of the club’s first World Series championship since 1918."

So maybe you're wondering why I'm so sure today will be his last day as a Red Sox. Well, you might have noticed that none of these moments occured in either this season or the last. Sadly, Trot's production on the field is in a steadly decline. His OPS has fallen 40-90 points every season since his career year in 2003. His average home run total of 26 from '01-'03 has fallen to 9 from '04-'06. And maybe worst of all, Trot is having problems staying healthy. So with his contract expiring after this season, I can't blame Theo if he comes up empty when looking for reasons to re-sign him, especially when a guy like Wily Mo Pena is waiting in the wings.

So here's to you, Trot - hero of my heart, baron of baseball, saint of the crimson stockings. You're still a damn fine ball player, and whatever team you play for next season, with one notable, glaring exception, that team will automatically become my second favorite in all the land (sorry, St. Louis).

Soldier of swing, daredevil of the diamond, champion of- ok, that's enough.

Update #1 - Trot is scheduled to lead-off, but it's pouring down rain in Boston. Trot's last game might have been yesterday. :-(

Update #2 - while singing "rain rain go away," I've been tracking the tight AL batting champion race. Derek Jeter was slightly ahead earlier today, but Joe Mauer's double in the 4th might seal it for him. He's currently at .346, with Jeter at .344 and Robinson Cano at .343.

Update #3 - tarps are being cleared and the first pitch will be thrown shortly. I've got my Trot shirt, Trot jersey and Fenway-bought Red Sox cap on. Hey, it's the grand finale.

Update #4 - Trot went 1-3 with a run scored. His last at-bat was a deep fly out to right field. He was replaced in the top of the 5th with 2 outs, I'm sure to a standing ovation. They were just able to squeeze in five full innings of ball (making it official) before the grounds crew had to bring out the tarp again. I'd imagine the game will be called, which is too bad because Boston's starting picther had a no-hitter going. Boston's rain-delayed game is now the last one in the 2006 regular season.