According to Baseball Prospectus, the Red Sox currently have a 2.93% chance of making the playoffs. Boston's record is 71-60.
Compare this to the record and playoff chances of the following teams:
Florida Marlins: 64-66, 7.7%
Atlanta Braves: 61-68, 3.1%
Houston Astros: 63-68, 6.7%
Milwaukee Brewers: 62-69, 2.5%
Arizona Diamondbacks: 64-67, 5.3%
Colorado Rockies: 61-69, 2.6%
And just to pour salt into the wound, here's Boston's starting line-up from last night:
1. Coco Crisp
2. Alex Cora
3. Mark Loretta
4. Kevin Youkilis
5. Eric Hinske
6. Mike Lowell
7. Javy Lopez
8. Carlos Pena
9. Dustin Pedroia
Starting Pitcher: Kason Gabbard (Kason Freaking Gabbard)
That's an amazing ONE player from the 2004 championship roster (Youkilis). No Manny or Ortiz. No Varitek, Nixon or Wakefield. Why? THEY'RE ALL INJURED. At this rate, we'll be lucky to finish ahead of the Blue Jays (who, by the way, might have the worst luck of all, with a 0.34% playoff chance for their 69-62 record).
Somebody hold me.
-------------------------------------
Special Bitchfest Update On Injuries: today (8/30), Boston had to play without their starting center fielder, left fielder, right fielder, shortstop, catcher, designated hitter and backup right fielder. We currently have three (THREE!!!) healthy regulars.
[bashes head into keyboard]
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
I Have Watched The Emmys
Why? Conan was hosting. And he did a great job, just as I expected. Conan's intro skit was him struggling to get to the Emmys by wandering through different TV realities like Lost, The Office, House and 24. The latter of which was obviously my favorite. Conan hilariously kept referring to Jack Bauer as "Kiefer," despite the in-character insistence of "My name is Jack Bauer!" They argued about who Chloe should be helping, and I about died from pure joy. Sure, 24's fourth wall came crashing down, but it was the amalgam of my two favorite TV shows, and I loved it.
Behold, he who can make an award show fun to watch.
Behold, he who can make an award show fun to watch.Anyway, Kiefer won for best dramatic actor, 24 won for best drama, but Conan somehow lost again for variety, music or comedy series. That's 4 nominations in that category (and 11 for writing) with no wins. I'm still working on how that's even logically possible. Give the man an atom angel, already!
PS- Go here to watch Conan's bits at the Emmys. And do it quickly, before the NBC lawyers find out.
PS- Go here to watch Conan's bits at the Emmys. And do it quickly, before the NBC lawyers find out.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Plutowned
Pluto sent down to Minors.
"It could never be Mercury, leading off and constantly hot. Venus was all about love and self-sacrifice, a natural 2 spot in the order. Earth, the prototypical No. 3 hitter, the ultimate fantasy pick, the people's choice. Mars, the oft-feared big red machine. Jupiter always had the sweet spot in the lineup. Having Saturn in the order always meant a ring. Uranus, always the team prankster and playing jokes to keep it fun."
"The term 'dwarf planet' is so demeening. Couldn't
I be 'planet, jr' or 'back-up planet?'"
"It could never be Mercury, leading off and constantly hot. Venus was all about love and self-sacrifice, a natural 2 spot in the order. Earth, the prototypical No. 3 hitter, the ultimate fantasy pick, the people's choice. Mars, the oft-feared big red machine. Jupiter always had the sweet spot in the lineup. Having Saturn in the order always meant a ring. Uranus, always the team prankster and playing jokes to keep it fun."
"The term 'dwarf planet' is so demeening. Couldn'tI be 'planet, jr' or 'back-up planet?'"
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Alert the Miners, We've Struck Comedy Gold
Survivor to Divide Teams By Race.
Nah... this won't get akward.
Will all four teams compete to earn land belonging to the overlooked fifth team, the Native Americans?
Will the Asians send one of their own to destroy a White shelter? Will the Whites then get roman candle on their asses for retaliation?
Will the Whites travel to the Black camp and steal members for labor? Will the Blacks later win their freedom, only to see the Latinos volunteer for the same work?
What team will Tiger Woods pull for?
Will the Hispanics' shelter be a lone pick-up truck?
Will the Whites outsource some of their work to the Asians?
Will the Asians dominate the mental challenges?
Will the Black team split up into gangs?
On the first day, will the Whites spend hours on end creating a formal leadership structure, only to relaize they have no food or shelter?
Will the Asians feature a lone white member known as "The Russian?"
Will the Asians, Blacks and Latinos gang up to defeat the Whites? Will the Whites win anyway?
[catches breath]
PS: By the way, I went a wee bit crazy on listening to Tree63 last week. Can you tell? ---------------------------->
Nah... this won't get akward.Will all four teams compete to earn land belonging to the overlooked fifth team, the Native Americans?
Will the Asians send one of their own to destroy a White shelter? Will the Whites then get roman candle on their asses for retaliation?
Will the Whites travel to the Black camp and steal members for labor? Will the Blacks later win their freedom, only to see the Latinos volunteer for the same work?
What team will Tiger Woods pull for?
Will the Hispanics' shelter be a lone pick-up truck?
Will the Whites outsource some of their work to the Asians?
Will the Asians dominate the mental challenges?
Will the Black team split up into gangs?
On the first day, will the Whites spend hours on end creating a formal leadership structure, only to relaize they have no food or shelter?
Will the Asians feature a lone white member known as "The Russian?"
Will the Asians, Blacks and Latinos gang up to defeat the Whites? Will the Whites win anyway?
[catches breath]
PS: By the way, I went a wee bit crazy on listening to Tree63 last week. Can you tell? ---------------------------->
Sunday, August 20, 2006
What Did I Get Myself Into? - The Adventures of Puffendorf and Bynkershoek
In the What Did I Get Myself Into? series, I'll be chronicling my time as a law school student. Today's episode: The Adventures of Puffendorf and Bynkershoek.
From my Property Law casebook:
"Puffendorf defines occupancy of beasts ferae naturae, to be the actual corporal possession of them, and Bynershoek is cited as coinciding in this definition."
Just... look at those names. Puffendorf. Bynershoek. They sound like two characters from a Shakespeare parody.
Also, from my Legal Writing textbook:
"It is common to arrive at law school expecting that learning the law will be like learning the rules of Monopoly."
Ah, yes. The old law-school-as-a-board-game analogy. The origins of this aged and attested apophthegm date back to the early 1920's, when a young Charles Darrow became so amused by his portly property professor, with his top hat, thick mustache and ghostly, pale complexion, that the aspiring young student dropped out during his first year to venture into the world of g-
Wait a second.
Monopoly!? Who in THE HELL thinks law school is like Monopoly?!?
Amazingly, the author then goes into a 500-word exposition on the rules of Monopoly. I wish I was kidding. Only after which, we're greeted with this stunner:
"The law is not quite like Monopoly."
Holy Puffendorf! You don't friggin say!
From my Property Law casebook:
"Puffendorf defines occupancy of beasts ferae naturae, to be the actual corporal possession of them, and Bynershoek is cited as coinciding in this definition."
Just... look at those names. Puffendorf. Bynershoek. They sound like two characters from a Shakespeare parody.
Also, from my Legal Writing textbook:
"It is common to arrive at law school expecting that learning the law will be like learning the rules of Monopoly."
Ah, yes. The old law-school-as-a-board-game analogy. The origins of this aged and attested apophthegm date back to the early 1920's, when a young Charles Darrow became so amused by his portly property professor, with his top hat, thick mustache and ghostly, pale complexion, that the aspiring young student dropped out during his first year to venture into the world of g-
Wait a second.
Monopoly!? Who in THE HELL thinks law school is like Monopoly?!?
Amazingly, the author then goes into a 500-word exposition on the rules of Monopoly. I wish I was kidding. Only after which, we're greeted with this stunner:
"The law is not quite like Monopoly."
Holy Puffendorf! You don't friggin say!
Friday, August 18, 2006
Live from the Land of Tax-Free Shopping, it's.. um, law school. Woo.
And I'm your host, Tom. Hi there.
Coming up here, I completely blew away Google Map's estimated driving time of 10 hours and 21 minutes with a blitzing 7 hours and 17 minutes. That's an average speed of 71 MPH for a 515 mile journey. Considering the multiple tolls and slow downs around the Baltimore and DC area, you could say I was being very... efficient... on the highways.
Pwnd.
This is the first time in my life I've taken up residence in a state other than North Carolina. I know Delaware (or D-ware as the cool kids call it, ok not really) isn't the Ivory Coast or anything, but there's still some things I have to get used to. In no particular order...
10. Widener's cable package does not include the History Channel. So far, that's what's been hardest to adjust too. I made the viewing of THC a second religion last year, and now I've been reduced to crap like Headline News and E!. And it's not just THC I've been robbed of. Except for the EPSNs and NBC (for Conan), I've been wiped of virtually all the networks I enjoy. No Fox News. No USA. No Sci-Fi. No HBO or Showtime. No Vh1 and their strangely entertaining shows. Ditto for Comedy Central and the Cartoon Network. I don't even get the friggin preview channel. What do they expect me to do here, study?
The Roman Legion can't believe it either.
9. Where did all the sweet tea go? Am I really going to have to brew it myself? And even when I do find "sweetened" tea, it's invariably that odd raspberry flavor. Does Bojangles publish a recipe? Speaking of which...
8. The closest Bojangles is 54 miles away. And if you don't think I already printed out the directions... you are clearly underestimating a southern boy's passion for southern food.
7. Going by license plates, everyone here is from Pennsylvania, New Jersey or Delaware. Aside from my own, I've found three plates from below the Mason-Dixon line, and two were from Florida, which clearly does not count. These Yanks better listen up when I'm called on in class and share my folksy wisdom from back down on the farm...
6. The road Widener is located on is Concord Pike and my home in NC is a few miles from the town of Concord. So that gave me a sense of familiarity, until I learned that "Concord" is now apparently pronounced "conquered." Um, no. It's Concord. CON. CORD. You don't pronounce "cord" like "kurd." Do people say "Aw, crap, I broke my spinal kurd?" NO!!!
5. Beer and wine aren't sold in grocery stores. That's just plain dumb.
4. Obviously, there's no Cookout, but there is the Charcoal Pit, which is similar in the sense it serves ice cream and good, cheap food.
3. This summer, Chris introduced me to Five Guys restaurant, and I stumbled across one just five minutes from campus, even though it's actually in Pennsylvania. Anyway, the burgers there are insanely good. The base price is pretty high for a semi-fast food joint ($4.49 for a double cheeseburger) but you do get to choose any or all of their 14 toppings free of charge. I guess what I'm saying is that if you take one part Charcoal Pit and and one part Five Guys, you almost have a Cookout.
The menu is also maddingly simple. They have burgers, hot dogs, grilled cheese and fries. Seriously, thats it. Chickens would behoove themselves to endorse Five Guys.
"Eat mor burgerz. Ba-gok!"
2. Eating on campus is very tricky. The Barristers' Club, the only on-campus food court (which so far has actually been above par), closes at 2pm. I wouldn't mind this as much if there were kitchens in the dorms, which there aren't. And I wouldn't mind that as much if we could use toasters or in-door grills in our rooms, which we can't. And I would mind that less if we could cook outside, which we can't do either. So basically, if you want hot food past 2pm, you have to microwave or eat out. To do otherwise is an affront to all Delawanese values.
1. Yeah, yeah, there's no sales tax. That 99 cent taco at Taco Bell really costs 99 cents. I'll admit, that part is pretty sweet.
---------
Editor's Note: I imagine that I'll be keeping this blog fairly active during my first year. I'm sure my three readers will at least somewhat enjoy it. I know, I know... L1 is maddness, you won't have time, blah blah blah. No, I will have time. This is me for crying outloud. My brain explodes if I study for more than three hours straight, and let me tell you it is a bitch to clean up. In the next 9 months, I should be giving some crazy/nightmarish stories about L1, along with my usual debatably humorous* takes on sports and entertainment.
As always, stay tuned.
*"Debatably humorous" is a trademark of Locke & Load, Inc. and is not to be used in any manner or form without expressed, written consent of blah blah blah whatever.
Coming up here, I completely blew away Google Map's estimated driving time of 10 hours and 21 minutes with a blitzing 7 hours and 17 minutes. That's an average speed of 71 MPH for a 515 mile journey. Considering the multiple tolls and slow downs around the Baltimore and DC area, you could say I was being very... efficient... on the highways.
Pwnd.10. Widener's cable package does not include the History Channel. So far, that's what's been hardest to adjust too. I made the viewing of THC a second religion last year, and now I've been reduced to crap like Headline News and E!. And it's not just THC I've been robbed of. Except for the EPSNs and NBC (for Conan), I've been wiped of virtually all the networks I enjoy. No Fox News. No USA. No Sci-Fi. No HBO or Showtime. No Vh1 and their strangely entertaining shows. Ditto for Comedy Central and the Cartoon Network. I don't even get the friggin preview channel. What do they expect me to do here, study?
The Roman Legion can't believe it either.9. Where did all the sweet tea go? Am I really going to have to brew it myself? And even when I do find "sweetened" tea, it's invariably that odd raspberry flavor. Does Bojangles publish a recipe? Speaking of which...
8. The closest Bojangles is 54 miles away. And if you don't think I already printed out the directions... you are clearly underestimating a southern boy's passion for southern food.
7. Going by license plates, everyone here is from Pennsylvania, New Jersey or Delaware. Aside from my own, I've found three plates from below the Mason-Dixon line, and two were from Florida, which clearly does not count. These Yanks better listen up when I'm called on in class and share my folksy wisdom from back down on the farm...
6. The road Widener is located on is Concord Pike and my home in NC is a few miles from the town of Concord. So that gave me a sense of familiarity, until I learned that "Concord" is now apparently pronounced "conquered." Um, no. It's Concord. CON. CORD. You don't pronounce "cord" like "kurd." Do people say "Aw, crap, I broke my spinal kurd?" NO!!!
5. Beer and wine aren't sold in grocery stores. That's just plain dumb.
4. Obviously, there's no Cookout, but there is the Charcoal Pit, which is similar in the sense it serves ice cream and good, cheap food.
3. This summer, Chris introduced me to Five Guys restaurant, and I stumbled across one just five minutes from campus, even though it's actually in Pennsylvania. Anyway, the burgers there are insanely good. The base price is pretty high for a semi-fast food joint ($4.49 for a double cheeseburger) but you do get to choose any or all of their 14 toppings free of charge. I guess what I'm saying is that if you take one part Charcoal Pit and and one part Five Guys, you almost have a Cookout.
The menu is also maddingly simple. They have burgers, hot dogs, grilled cheese and fries. Seriously, thats it. Chickens would behoove themselves to endorse Five Guys.
"Eat mor burgerz. Ba-gok!"2. Eating on campus is very tricky. The Barristers' Club, the only on-campus food court (which so far has actually been above par), closes at 2pm. I wouldn't mind this as much if there were kitchens in the dorms, which there aren't. And I wouldn't mind that as much if we could use toasters or in-door grills in our rooms, which we can't. And I would mind that less if we could cook outside, which we can't do either. So basically, if you want hot food past 2pm, you have to microwave or eat out. To do otherwise is an affront to all Delawanese values.
1. Yeah, yeah, there's no sales tax. That 99 cent taco at Taco Bell really costs 99 cents. I'll admit, that part is pretty sweet.
---------
Editor's Note: I imagine that I'll be keeping this blog fairly active during my first year. I'm sure my three readers will at least somewhat enjoy it. I know, I know... L1 is maddness, you won't have time, blah blah blah. No, I will have time. This is me for crying outloud. My brain explodes if I study for more than three hours straight, and let me tell you it is a bitch to clean up. In the next 9 months, I should be giving some crazy/nightmarish stories about L1, along with my usual debatably humorous* takes on sports and entertainment.
As always, stay tuned.
*"Debatably humorous" is a trademark of Locke & Load, Inc. and is not to be used in any manner or form without expressed, written consent of blah blah blah whatever.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Hallo, meine Freunde.
I promise I'll post about how I'm adjusting to life in Delaware as soon as, well, I adjust to life in Delaware.
And yes, "friend" in German is capitalized. Go figure.
"Yeah, we didn't have room for '... and no sales tax!'"
And yes, "friend" in German is capitalized. Go figure.
"Yeah, we didn't have room for '... and no sales tax!'"Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Reason #452 Why I Know More About Baseball Than Many Individuals Employed By Actual MLB Teams
Washington Nationals manager Frank Robinson has been batting Alfonso Soriano leadoff for the entire season. And this isn't one of those crappy-players-who-don't-belong-at-leadoff scenarios ala Juan Pierre. Quite the opposite. He's too good to be batting there. Soriano is one of the very best power hitters in the league, and far and away the best on his own team. He currently has 35 home runs, more than twice the second best National.
What exactly is the crime of batting him leadoff, you ask? It comes down to basic baseball strategy. It's important for your on-base specialists (like a Kevin Youkilis) to bat in front of your home run hitters (like Ortiz and Manny)*. You want men on base when your smashers come to the plate. Plain and simple. You don't want their extra-base hits driving in empty bases.
"Must... make... team... worse!"
So who hits right in front of Soriano? As a leadoff batter in the National League, it will always be one of these three:
1) Nobody.
2) The pitcher.
3) Some pinch hitter off the bench.
In other words, the worst hitters on your team. So why, exactly, does Robinson bat him leadoff in the first place? Because he's fast. Because he steals bases. Because that's the type of player he "is." Just your basic, archaic, old-timey excuses for managers to not take two seconds to think about how stupid they can be. To make matters worse, you have the perfect guy to put in front of Soriano right on your own team: Nick Johnson. This ex-Yankee gets on-base at a .425 clip, one of the very best in all of baseball. Compare this to the combined on-base percentage of the Nationals' number nine hitters: .234.
Let's think about this.
.234
.425
.234
.425
It's painfully obvious how Nick Johnson should bat directly in front of Soriano. And yet every game, Soriano hits first, driving in only 37 runners that aren't himself, as opposed to 59 for Ortiz, despite the two's almost identical lines of batting average and slugging percentage. And every game Johnson comes out to bat 4th and draws walk after walk, with only second-rate hitters left to try and bring him home.
-----
*Boston manager Terry Francona has inexplicably moved away from this, now favoring Coco Crisp at leadoff, he of a weak .324 OBP. And guess what it gets us... a 1-3 record since Francona made the switch, including a loss to the freaking Royals.
-----
Spell check update: it's only suggestion for "Washin(g)ton" was "accenting," "leadoff" and "smashers" apparently aren't words, and it still hasn't learned "Ortiz."
What exactly is the crime of batting him leadoff, you ask? It comes down to basic baseball strategy. It's important for your on-base specialists (like a Kevin Youkilis) to bat in front of your home run hitters (like Ortiz and Manny)*. You want men on base when your smashers come to the plate. Plain and simple. You don't want their extra-base hits driving in empty bases.
"Must... make... team... worse!"So who hits right in front of Soriano? As a leadoff batter in the National League, it will always be one of these three:
1) Nobody.
2) The pitcher.
3) Some pinch hitter off the bench.
In other words, the worst hitters on your team. So why, exactly, does Robinson bat him leadoff in the first place? Because he's fast. Because he steals bases. Because that's the type of player he "is." Just your basic, archaic, old-timey excuses for managers to not take two seconds to think about how stupid they can be. To make matters worse, you have the perfect guy to put in front of Soriano right on your own team: Nick Johnson. This ex-Yankee gets on-base at a .425 clip, one of the very best in all of baseball. Compare this to the combined on-base percentage of the Nationals' number nine hitters: .234.
Let's think about this.
.234
.425
.234
.425
It's painfully obvious how Nick Johnson should bat directly in front of Soriano. And yet every game, Soriano hits first, driving in only 37 runners that aren't himself, as opposed to 59 for Ortiz, despite the two's almost identical lines of batting average and slugging percentage. And every game Johnson comes out to bat 4th and draws walk after walk, with only second-rate hitters left to try and bring him home.
-----
*Boston manager Terry Francona has inexplicably moved away from this, now favoring Coco Crisp at leadoff, he of a weak .324 OBP. And guess what it gets us... a 1-3 record since Francona made the switch, including a loss to the freaking Royals.
-----
Spell check update: it's only suggestion for "Washin(g)ton" was "accenting," "leadoff" and "smashers" apparently aren't words, and it still hasn't learned "Ortiz."
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