I Am So Disappointed In The History Channel

The normally dependable History Channel has a special "Armageddon Countdown" this week. Their top five are

5) Asteroid
4) Super volcano
3) Nuclear war
2) Super virus


and the number one cause for the doom of us all...


1) Global warming.

LAME.

Retroactive Inappropriateness

One of my favorite SNL skits is Dana Carvey as Tom Brokaw, pre-taping announcements for every way Gerald Ford could die. I often wondered if it would still be funny once Gerald Ford actually died, and today we get to find out. I vote a resounding and good-natured 'yes,' but you be the judge.

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The SUV pulls away from the Gooden Estate this Saturday morning, destined for Miami. We have hotel reservations at the Sheraton Inn in Ft. Lauderdale from the 31st through the 2nd, although what we'll be doing the days leading up to The Game will be a mystery. My dad was proposing several other things we could do (Disney World, short cruise) but I was adamant that it be kept to a minimum. I just want to spend these three weeks as stress-free and minimalist as possible.

Christmas break is like the eye of the hurricane for 1L's: a short relief while thinking both "Thank God that's over!" and "Oh God what's coming next?" My first semester was very tough, and I'm pretty sure this one will be worse. I will have 5 classes instead of 4, plus I'll be trying to transfer (Elon? Mercer?). It's not that I don't like Widener, I just don't like Delaware. Specifically, I don't like the 500 miles between it and anyone I know. I always thought of myself as a home body; the past four months just confirmed it.

Anyway, that's the latest. A merry belated Christmas.

Grobal Warming

Jim Grobe Wins AP Coach of the Year

The headline says Grobe is leading a "revival" of Wake football, which is too kind to our history. This isn't so much a "revival" of past glories as it is a head-strong charge into unprecedented territory. It wasn't so long ago (this season, in fact) that ESPN analyst Mark May made special notice of our ineptitude ("You know who's bad? Wake Forest.") Of course we were bad, right? It didn't matter we were undefeated at the time, it didn't matter the talent of our players or the smarts of our coaches, we were Wake Forest, forever doomed to be ACC's little whipping boy. We couldn't possibly be any good.

That's why Jim Grobe is the AP Coach of the Year and Mark Mary works behind a desk. One knows how to build a championship football team and the other mistakes champions for doormats.

At Last, Light Has Broken Through The Darkness

Pardon the melodrama, but God Almighty has it been a rough two weeks. Six hours every day at Barnes & Noble alone, just diving into as much material as I could. Highlighting my notes. Outlining my notes. Outlining my outline. Outlining the outline of my outline. Studying, studying, studying. I have never driven myself that hard, and I'm both anxious and nervous to see the results.

Naturally, I have been very much out of it. I learned of the Drew signing from Phantom's comment. It wasn't until 4pm on Sunday that I realized football was being played. I learned of the Matsuzaka signing from a guy in a Sox hat who spoke to me in the law building (I was sporting a Beckett #19 shirt). It wasn't until just this second that I remembered Wake is playing De Paul tonight. *pauses to check score* Down by 22. Great.

Anyway, I now have that odd burden of reconditioning myself back to being lazy. I have to think of something to do in the afternoons that doesn't involve noticing the odd array of people who browse the witchcraft section of B&N, which just so happens to be next to the best studying nook. But getting used to laziness again shouldn't take me that long (too much experience). I'm looking forward to just sitting on the couch (at home!) and not having to worry about a thing. No case briefs, no outlines, no cram sessions. Just... nothing.

Then of course, three weeks later, it starts all over again.

Is There a Wormhole Connecting LA and Boston?

Boston has signed two players away from the LA Dodgers - JD Drew and Julio Lugo. This is on top of...

• Dave Roberts being traded from LA to Boston.
  
• Bill Mueller leaving Boston for LA.
• Derek Lowe leaving Boston for LA.
• Nomar Garciaparra leaving Boston for LA (with a pit stop in Chicago).
• Grady Little leaving Boston for LA (also with, believe it or not, a pit stop in Chicago).
• Rumors of a possible trade sending Manny from Boston to LA.
  

Really folks, lets be honest. There can be only one explanation.

I Dub Thee a Suitable Replacement For Christopher Trotman Nixon

I find it quite ironic that JD is replacing Trot. See, as I've said before my initial following of the Red Sox had a lot to do with Trot's presence on the team. In a lesser fashion I made the Cardinals my "NL team" because of JD Drew. And while my idolization of Trot made some sense, I can't say the same for JD. I don't know where he's from, what his life outside baseball is like, nothing. I guess it's just because he's a white right fielder who wears number 7, like Trot. And, for what it's worth, Trot is JD's "Most Similar Batter" on his baseball-reference.com page. Anyway, though I'm generally in favor of JD manning Fenway's right field next season, there's plenty of arguments against the signing. I'm here to address all that I can think of.

But he's always hurt!
True. This is undoubtedly the strongest argument against JD. Yes, he does have a long history of injuries. The best counter to this is to say he's actually suffered only one major injury in the past three years: a fractured left wrist when he was hit by a fastball in 2005, and it's hard to hold that type of injury against him. Other than that, he's been pretty healthy, logging 145 games in '04 and 146 in '06.

But $70 million? He ain't worth $14 mill a year!
Last year, I would have agreed with you. But let's face it folks, the market has significantly changed since then. Juan Pierre is getting $9 mill per. Gary Matthews Jr. $10 mill. Adam Eaton $8 mill. These are not very good players. So, I'd say 13 or 14 mill per is about what you should expect for Drew. I would have preferred to sign him for less, but in today's market that really wasn't possible.

But why you breakin' the bank on JD when ya didn't give Johnny D what he wanted?
I swear, if I hear one more Sawks fan complain about Theo not signing Damon I will personally remove their spine. Just shut up. Theo was giving Damon what he wanted, but every time he just went to Steinbrenner and came back with higher offer for Theo to match. Theo got tired of playing that game and I can't blame him. Plus, JD is a much better hitter than Damon (career OPS's of .905 and .789) and, as I've said, last year's market was much different.

But he's an a-hole!
There's this perception around JD that he's an underachiever, or a jerk, or clubhouse cancer, etc. Apparently a lot of it comes from when LaRussa ripped him in "Three Nights in August." Having never read the book, I will have to defer to Phantom (who has) on that one. I will say that I loathe fans who criticize players because they don't "show emotion" and therefore "don't care." What different does it make whether a player breaks his bat after he strikes out or knocks down the Gatorade cooler when his team loses? If someone did this in another work setting, wouldn't we say they have anger management issues? And yet it's what we expect from our athletes. I just don't get it. Similarly, I could care less if Manny or JD or whoever doesn't run full speed to first on a ground ball. You hit like they hit, and you can play as "uncaring" as you wish as far as I'm concerned.

Wow, where was I?

You know all this Matsuzaka and Drew stuff makes the Red Sox just as bad as the Yankees, don't you?
No, no it doesn't. The Yankees regularly spend about $80 million more per year than Boston. That's the same difference as between Boston and Colorado, who had the third smallest payroll in 2006. Believe me, Boston has a long way to go before they're on par with New York. If you want to call them the biggest spenders of "normal" clubs, fine (cuz they are). But New York is still in a whole different stratosphere from the rest of baseball.

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I suppose I should address the Lugo signing while I'm at it. I'm OK with it since Lugo was the best shortstop on the market, but I have issues with him as a person. Back in 2003, he was arrested for hitting his wife and slamming her head on a car hood. I don't like being put in the position of rooting for a wife beater, so watching his at-bats in the upcoming season will be an interesting experience. I'm not really sure how I'll react.

In happier news, Jon Lester's cancer is in remission.

ACC CHAMPIONS!!!!

Thirty six years is too long to wait for a conference championship. My mom called after the game and I think she was in tears. For 61 years and counting she's been as big a Deacon fan as you can imagine. Today is a very special day for her, as it is for every Deacon fan everywhere. Next stop: Orange Bowl, baby. THE. ORANGE. BOWL.

January 2nd. Miami, FL. Can't come soon enough.

Edit: I want that shirt. Now.

Last Night Before JUDGMENT DAY

Oh, OSU and Michigan already did that? So what can tomorrow be then? New heaven and new earth? I'm bordering on sacrilege, aren't I.

Anyway, 1pm tomorrow on ABC. Wake will either make (more) history and go to the Orange Bowl and meet an at-large (Notre Dame? Michigan?) or be relegated to (possibly) the Meineke Bowl (vs. Navy?). So the stakes are self-evident, meine freuden.

Three Goodens will be in attendance, while a fourth is stuck watching it on TV whilst not outlining Civ Pro.