if i get my license, but can't find a job...

should i approach it as a law school summer? like, volunteer for a local firm until those big firms that are supposed to be giving jobs to new lawyers actually, you know, start giving jobs to new lawyers? thankfully i'm in a position where working for free isn't financially that big of a deal, though my self-esteem is sure to take a hit. /smallest violin

is this unheard-of strategy subtly brilliant? clever? asinine? pathetic?

two things that annoy me

1) trying to judge how far someone is behind me, and then deciding whether the estimated distance requires me to hold the door open for them.

2) completing all my assigned reading for a course, and then the professor announcing the syllabus was wrong, and I need to read something else.

Two things that don't annoy me: coffee and doughnuts.

is there a word for this?

this entire semester, i've been experiencing something. i'm not sure there's a word for it.

you see, my days are pretty busy. i read text books and compose notes for my upcoming classes. i'm preparing to give an oral argument and write a term paper for my writing seminar. i very much need to start outlining, especially since i have the most hellacious exam schedule ever concocted: four exams in four days, including two in one day. oh, and those four days are all in the first week of exam period.

so i have all that work, and all that to be concerned with. but that's not the problem.

no, the problem is that i have the bar exam at the end of july. i'll have a little over two months to prepare for it, but that doesn't seem like enough. i want to prepare for it right now, you see? i don't want to be the old me that waits until the last minute to do something important (and yes, i consider two months to be last minute in the world of bar exam prep). but i can't, because i'm up to my ears in stuff i have to do just so i'm elligible to take that exam. and even beyond the bar exam, i have yet another problem on the horizon: getting an actual job.

so is there a word for this feeling? to be stuck working on Step 1, when you so desperatly want to be working on the more difficult Steps 2 and 3? it's like if i had a certain amount of time to get to the top of a mountain, only i start with my legs shackled tightly together, secured by numerous locks. i'm tired of sitting at the mountain base, wasting time picking the locks, even if i'm making decent progess, because what i should really be doing is hiking my way upwards. i could try picking the locks as i akwardly hop my way up, but trying to do both these things at once will likely only lead to certain failure in both challenges. drag that feeling out over several months. that's me.

not only am i curious if there's word for this combination of furstration, malaise, and irritation, but i feel like if i could find that word, it'd almost make the whole situation better. or i could at least move on from trying to understand what i'm going through and actually go through it.*

*which is exactly why i wrote all that. aren't i clever.

is there room for professionals on social networking?

As a better-be soon-to-be attorney, I've had to do a lot of re-thinking about my "stuff" on the internet. I've made sure that my blog and twitter don't mention my full name anywhere, and my pictures there are only of me in shades and a sketch of my face. I've also taken down all my image sharing galleries (except on Facebook). Basically, I'm trying to keep my "public presence" on the internet as un-connectible as possible to the real me.

Which gets me to Facebook.

I have been very tempted to delete my profile page, just because I am simply uncomfortable with a prospective employer or client finding it. I don't want them to think of me as some kid with a website on the internet, but a professional who's too busy for that crap. I've set my privacy settings to be pretty protective, so that a non-friend searching for me will only be able to see there's a guy with my name on facebook. And even then I have a pretty laid back profile, with a picture of me in a shirt and tie, looking all nice and professional, and I left any group that borders on controversial (like "I drive my ride like it's stolen").

But at the same time, do we not have every notable political candidate with facebook and twitter accounts? Are they actually run by them? Of course not. But it establishes a custom that maybe having a non-anonymous presence on social networking sites shouldn't be considered unprofessional, despite every career counselor telling you to delete every piece of evidence you ever touched a computer.